Friday, 21 February 2014

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / A Gift of Love

"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why." ― Mark Twain

The day we were born we entered into a story that has been ongoing since the beginning of time. We had no choice as to our parents, our country of origin or the color of our skin. Then much too soon we step out of this story ... again not by choice.

Why is it we pop into existence for a mere seventy, eighty or ninety years, compared to the age of our universe? Believe it or not, there is a living spruce in Sweden said to be carbon dated at 9550 years old.

Are we here merely to propagate the planet, raise a family, make a living and have fun?

Have you ever thought about it?

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes: Your natural life is derived from your parents; that does not mean it will stay there if you do nothing about it. You can lose it by neglect, or  you can drive it away by committing suicide. You have to feed it and look after it: but always remember you are not making it, you are only keeping up a life you got from someone else.

Humans are endowed with natural gifts that no animal possesses nor will any computer ever duplicate ... our inner being, emotions and conscience. We possess the innate ability to love and to laugh ... we feel compassion for others ... we can cry tears of happiness and grief ... and inherently we know right from wrong.

Our non-ending media coverage has allowed society to grow in awareness to the plight of our fellowman both here and abroad. People worldwide are selflessly striving to help those in need, sharing their knowledge and resources to better the lives of others sharing our small planet

Why then is our existence so meager?

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."   - Mother Theresa

Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, my memoir, shows my day to day struggle trying to make craziness appear normal. My husband, the love of my life, battled PTSD and the demons of war, yet I found no way to help him ... and no one to help me. Isolated without hope, I had nothing to cling to and no solution.

Throughout the world other families are living like I did. Never knowing when the left shoe will drop. When will the demons strike again? Pretending becomes commonplace as we travel the maze of confusion like white mice scurrying to find a way out. Our children are being cheated out of the family they deserve.

I understand that helplessness ...

For three years, I fought the need to write this book. I had no idea how to write a book ... nor where to begin. The nagging persisted. The notion that I could help others and show them that they were not alone continued to pound on my heart until ... I gave in.

“Start by doing what is necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”  ― Francis of Assisi 

I've traveled a great distance from the helpless victim of PTSD in my memoir to the compassionate, joy-filled woman I am today. I no longer hide behind the pain of my past as every morsel of my being wants to share what I came to learn through my tragedy. 

If only I had known then what I know now. If only someone had told me, my life would be different today ... but no one did!

That's why I'm so compelled ...  

Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time.      C. S. Lewis

Sometimes you have to reach the lowest point to understand who God is, and what He can do for us. And when you do ... you will never be the same again.

For me, it happened one day while I was listening to the radio. My days were like walking in a tunnel through a dark cloud. Bleak, black and white routine without hope or color. The words I heard that day changed my life ...

     "God allows us to go through trials for a purpose . . ."
     "God speaks to us all the time; we have to begin to listen . . ."

And that day I came face to face with the God of the bible, when he stepped into my life and wrapped His arms around me. I had never felt such love.

We've been separated from God. But God loves us. God hasn't turned his back on us. I didn't know He was waiting for me to find him.

From the time I was a little girl I wanted my life to have some sort of meaning, I wanted to make a difference. Now I know what that means.

I came to learn how much God loved me and that He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins, so that I could have God's gift of eternal life. 

My heart was hungry and I was touched. I believed what I was hearing. I was tired of living half-a-life in darkness. I knew I was a sinner, selfish, jealous, angry, and so much more. I needed forgiveness. I repented. I asked God into my heart because I  believed Jesus died for my sins and rose from the dead and ascended into heaven ... like we will do one day. 

My life changed when I asked God into my life. He alone filled the hole in my heart left by my husband's love. Now I have a relationship with God I never knew could exist. I am no longer who I was ... I am a new creature in Him. 

Each one of us is created in His image for a purpose. I believe my purpose is to share this journey with you and show you the love and peace God has given me. It takes time. Each day is a new beginning as I absorb the wonders of this amazing new life I found. The bible has come to life and I now understand what I read. 

I believe we've been given just so much time to make this choice. And if we don't choose it, we lose it. Who wouldn't choose life over death? The life we've been given by God is a gift. 

These basic needs are the same the world around. What may be broken in your own heart and life can be made new again in Jesus. This simple prayer can open the door to eternal life.