PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / A Gift of Love

"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why." ― Mark Twain

The day we were born we entered into a story that has been ongoing since the beginning of time. We had no choice as to our parents, our country of origin or the color of our skin. Then much too soon we step out of this story ... again not by choice.

Why is it we pop into existence for a mere seventy, eighty or ninety years, compared to the age of our universe? Believe it or not, there is a living spruce in Sweden said to be carbon dated at 9550 years old.

Are we here merely to propagate the planet, raise a family, make a living and have fun?

Have you ever thought about it?

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes: Your natural life is derived from your parents; that does not mean it will stay there if you do nothing about it. You can lose it by neglect, or  you can drive it away by committing suicide. You have to feed it and look after it: but always remember you are not making it, you are only keeping up a life you got from someone else.

Humans are endowed with natural gifts that no animal possesses nor will any computer ever duplicate ... our inner being, emotions and conscience. We possess the innate ability to love and to laugh ... we feel compassion for others ... we can cry tears of happiness and grief ... and inherently we know right from wrong.

Our non-ending media coverage has allowed society to grow in awareness to the plight of our fellowman both here and abroad. People worldwide are selflessly striving to help those in need, sharing their knowledge and resources to better the lives of others sharing our small planet

Why then is our existence so meager?

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."   - Mother Theresa

Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, my memoir, shows my day to day struggle trying to make craziness appear normal. My husband, the love of my life, battled PTSD and the demons of war, yet I found no way to help him ... and no one to help me. Isolated without hope, I had nothing to cling to and no solution.

Throughout the world other families are living like I did. Never knowing when the left shoe will drop. When will the demons strike again? Pretending becomes commonplace as we travel the maze of confusion like white mice scurrying to find a way out. Our children are being cheated out of the family they deserve.

I understand that helplessness ...

For three years, I fought the need to write this book. I had no idea how to write a book ... nor where to begin. The nagging persisted. The notion that I could help others and show them that they were not alone continued to pound on my heart until ... I gave in.

“Start by doing what is necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”  ― Francis of Assisi 

I've traveled a great distance from the helpless victim of PTSD in my memoir to the compassionate, joy-filled woman I am today. I no longer hide behind the pain of my past as every morsel of my being wants to share what I came to learn through my tragedy. 

If only I had known then what I know now. If only someone had told me, my life would be different today ... but no one did!

That's why I'm so compelled ...  

Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time.      C. S. Lewis

Sometimes you have to reach the lowest point to understand who God is, and what He can do for us. And when you do ... you will never be the same again.

For me, it happened one day while I was listening to the radio. My days were like walking in a tunnel through a dark cloud. Bleak, black and white routine without hope or color. The words I heard that day changed my life ...

     "God allows us to go through trials for a purpose . . ."
     "God speaks to us all the time; we have to begin to listen . . ."

And that day I came face to face with the God of the bible, when he stepped into my life and wrapped His arms around me. I had never felt such love.

We've been separated from God. But God loves us. God hasn't turned his back on us. I didn't know He was waiting for me to find him.

From the time I was a little girl I wanted my life to have some sort of meaning, I wanted to make a difference. Now I know what that means.

I came to learn how much God loved me and that He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins, so that I could have God's gift of eternal life. 

My heart was hungry and I was touched. I believed what I was hearing. I was tired of living half-a-life in darkness. I knew I was a sinner, selfish, jealous, angry, and so much more. I needed forgiveness. I repented. I asked God into my heart because I  believed Jesus died for my sins and rose from the dead and ascended into heaven ... like we will do one day. 

My life changed when I asked God into my life. He alone filled the hole in my heart left by my husband's love. Now I have a relationship with God I never knew could exist. I am no longer who I was ... I am a new creature in Him. 

Each one of us is created in His image for a purpose. I believe my purpose is to share this journey with you and show you the love and peace God has given me. It takes time. Each day is a new beginning as I absorb the wonders of this amazing new life I found. The bible has come to life and I now understand what I read. 

I believe we've been given just so much time to make this choice. And if we don't choose it, we lose it. Who wouldn't choose life over death? The life we've been given by God is a gift. 

These basic needs are the same the world around. What may be broken in your own heart and life can be made new again in Jesus. This simple prayer can open the door to eternal life. 

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / Bittersweet is November

“Liberty is never unalienable; it must be redeemed regularly with the blood of patriots or it always vanishes. Of all the so-called natural human rights that have ever been invented, liberty is least likely to be cheap and is never free of cost.”   ― Robert A. Heinlein

November 11, 1919, was the first anniversary of the signing of the armistice, which ended World War I.  Celebrated as Armistice Day, it was dedicated to the cause of world peace.  The day was commemorated with prayer and thanksgiving, filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who selflessly served our country.  In 1954, the word Armistice was stricken and Veterans Day took its place in history.  Each year, November 11th is a national holiday to ensure that ALL our veterans know how deeply we appreciate the sacrifices they have made in their lives with parades and speeches. Yet we owe them so much more . . .

I have seen it in your face
I am sure you have noticed it in mine;
that thousand-yard stare
that does not look out --
it looks in --
at the unutterable,
unalterable truth of our war.   ~ The Wall Within

This may not be the best time.  My blog is heading in a direction that I had not planned.  But I'm on a roll and words are flooding my computer screen.  It wants be written . . .  

Veterans Day, Memorial Day and the 4th of July are the holidays that grab me by the ankles. My senses are on high alert, certain images bring flashbacks, and tears simply break loose at the strangest times.  My memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder shows my journey with the love of my life as we battle his PTSD.  It wasn't until years later, when I began to research this disorder for my book, that I learned I had PTSD as well . . . through association.  I now know that this is why I react to certain stimuli the way I do. The dreams are less often, but I can't watch a war movie or war news without tears. Nor can I sing patriotic songs without blubbering.  The homeless veterans rip my heart.  And I have yet to be able to thank a veteran for his service at the airport or out in public without stammering over the searing lump in my throat, tears embarrassing us both.

Does anyone else go through this after so many years . . . or is it just me?

I stood there one fall
ankle deep in leaves
and looked up at the night sky
through a hole in a ceiling of trees
wondering how much better the world
might look from up there.   ~ The Wall Within

Most of my days hum effortlessly with a plethora of activity tossing me from one hour to the next. My energy level soars as I juggle the shiny balls overhead.  But then comes November swooping down on me like an eagle preparing to snatch me away.

Each November arrives with poignant promptings of the past intertwined with the present, like a finely woven sterling chain around my neck. Veteran's Day is in November, stirring up vivid memories of love and pain from long ago. No matter how long, no one ever forgets!  My husbands birthday is in November.  The 18th.  In 2001, after years scattered with tears, I received an amazing GIFT on Lorne's birthday.  My youngest granddaughter was born!  Was it a coincidence?  No ... I know it was a GIFT to help heal my heart.  

Bittersweet is the taste of November.

Veterans Facts

There are approximately 23.2 million veterans in the United States.

These brave men and women who serve and protect our country come from all walks of life; they are parents, children and grandparents.  They are friends, neighbors and coworkers, and an important part of their communities.  Here are some facts about the current veteran population of the United States.

• 9.2 million veterans are over the age of 65.
• 1.9 million veterans are under the age of 35.
• 1.8 million veterans are women. (For another post)
• 7.8 million veterans served during the Vietnam War era (1964-1975), which represents 33% of all living veterans.
• 5.2 million veterans served during the Gulf War (representing service from Aug. 2, 1990, to present).
• 2.6 veterans served during World War II (1941-1945)
• 2.8 million veterans served during the Korean War (1950-1953)
• 6 million veterans served in peacetime.
• As of 2008, 2.9 million veterans received compensation for service-connected disabilities.
• 5 states have more than 1 million veterans in among their population: California (2.1 million), Florida (1.7 million), Texas ( 1.7 million), New York (1 million) and Pennsylvania (1 million).
• The VA health care system had 54 hospitals in 1930, since then it has expanded to include 171 medical centers; more than 350 outpatient, community and outreach clinics; 126 nursing home care units; and 35 live-in care facilities for injured or disabled vets.

U.S. Census Bureau and United States Department of Veterans Affairs

Note: I was unable to locate veteran statistics beyond 2010.  These numbers would increase greatly with that information.  

The SADDEST question of all:  How many of these BRAVE and HONORABLE men and women live on the STREETS?  This must end!  We MUST take care of our own!

God bless America and the honorable men and women at her beacon call.

 

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife and Michelle Obama

My last post, July 4, 2013, showed me waiting for a postal confirmation that Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had reached THE WHITE HOUSE.  After that the bottom fell out . . .

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.    ~ Anais Nin

The life of a computer is not infinite.  REALITY hit when I could no longer type in my BLOG!  Disbelief turned to despair.  Most know I'm a techno-neophyte, yet NO ONE could fix it!  It was like losing my best friend.  I was heartsick.

Three days later, I flew to OHIO to attend our annual family reunion.  I returned to California the end of August with one mission seared into the gray matter between my pierced ears - I MUST find a new BEST FRIEND!  And FAST. 

But there were way too many CHOICES! 

One final consultation with Geek Squad and I was primed to make a decision ... which still HAUNTS me!  My new HP computer and best friend? arrived with WINDOWS 8 and its cheeky ATTITUDE.  Not to mention the TEMPERAMENT of a multi-tasking ten year old on a sugar high, taking me down gopher holes with no way back.  Navigating a cornfield maze with a box of matches would be simpler. 

PATIENCE.  I've been told I must remember to breathe . . . 

This too shall pass, if I don't heave the darn thing off a bridge first.  My love and concern for our military far outweighs the learning curve I must conquer to be able to ENLIGHTEN the world to my PASSION . . . Public Awareness of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Sometimes when you think you are done, it is just the edge of beginning. Probably that's why we decide we're done. It's getting too scary. We are touching down onto something real. It is beyond the point when you think you are done that often something strong comes out.      

                                                           ~ Natalie Goldberg

 

My last post on July 4, 2013 showed me waiting for a confirmation that my book, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had reached The White House.  This was confirmed July 8th, the same day I left for Ohio.  The small green postcard was stamped "THE WHITE HOUSE."  Floating on a cloud, I headed for the airport. 

 

During my visit, my friendly mail collector informed me that I had received a large brown envelope from the WHITE HOUSE.  Wow, that was fast!  I asked for it to be held until I returned.  Everyone thought I was deranged for waiting.  But I like SURPRISES.  It was probably a photograph of the First Lady, but I decided to bathe in the mystery and let my imagination run wild with outrageous possibilities.  That's me. 

 

As soon as my luggage was loaded into the house, I made a dash for my mail. Bags of it!  A plethora of junk mail!  I found the big brown envelope from the WHITE HOUSE, stamped FIRST CLASS, DO NOT BEND.  It felt stiff as my trembling letter opener sliced along the top.  Inside a piece of cardboard protected a typewritten letter on formal 6 x 9 crème-colored stationary embossed with the Presidential Seal addressed to me.  It began, "Dear Nancy:"  Needless to say, I was THRILLED.  And even more special, it was signed by Michelle Obama herself.  The pen she used bled through to the other side at three different points.  

 

 
I may not agree with all the battles that are taking place in Washington DC at this time, but I was honored that our First Lady took time to acknowledge my book, and the plight our military has been dealing with for decades.
 

Definition of a veteran:  A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."       ~ Author unknown

 

 

Photo by Scott King / gryht on flickr.

 

MAN'S BEST FRIEND is lending a helping paw to aid military personnel and veterans suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

 

The number of veterans being diagnosed with PTSD continues to grow. It wasn't until after the Vietnam War in the '60s and '70s that PTSD was even recognized as an actual psychiatric syndrome by the Veterans Administration. 

 

Nationwide from 2002 through 2012 more than 256,000 veterans who served in Iraq or Afghanistan have been treated for PTSD.  And the numbers continue to climb as time away from the war zone passes.          by Mark Leland - Fox 11

 

I recently read this interview online describing one veteran's experience with his SERVICE DOG ... 

 

Steve, a US Army veteran, says his dog, Whiskey, provides him with a sense of much needed comfort and security.  And that Whiskey saved his life.

 

"I was suicidal every single day.  I couldn't get out of the house.  I was in such deep depression.  The simplest tasks were very difficult for me but two days into the canine program a light came on and changed my life.  Whiskey provides comfort and security whenever I have a panic attack.  I'll call her up on my lap and start petting her.  She brings my blood pressure down and brings me back down to reality.  If I have a flashback and things of that nature, she's right there nudging me.  "Hey, it's okay, dad."  Whiskey's right there."

 

When you hear and read about what's happening throughout the country with veterans returning from war, our warriors dealing with this disabling disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, do you ever think ... "But what can I do to help?"

 

Most know I chose PETS FOR VETS to donate a portion of the proceeds from my book.  This national organization helps heal the emotional wounds of military veterans by pairing them with shelter dogs.  Their selfless dedication in this field shows compassion and understanding to this issue that has been minimized far too long.  Their approach gives veterans a way to defuse their PTSD without the use of drugs, and gives a shelter dog a loving home and purpose. 

 

Know that THERE IS A WAY each one of us can help these warriors who bravely fought for what they were asked to do.  Every donation helps.  Let your heart be your guide.  We owe them more than we could ever REPAY.

 

Who is eligible for a Pets for Vets companion animal?  Please see information and Pets for Vets Veterans Application located on their website at pets-for-vets.com for more details. 

 

They carried comrades, they carried guns, and they carried letters from home.  Their dog tags carried their name and rank.  Would they wear them home, or would they be handed to a family member?  None knew the answer, yet they served our country, the United States of America, with their very heart and soul.   

 

God Bless America and all her brave WARRIORS.

 

Do you know someone who is dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

 

(Please read post from April 2013 for more detailed information).

  



PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife goes to The White House

The purpose of life is not to be happy.  It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you lived and you lived well.            Ralph Waldo Emerson 

   Today, July 4, 2013 is the perfect day to be waiting for a USPS confirmation showing Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has arrived at the WHITE HOUSE!

This surprising challenge began May 18th with an email from Pets for Vets. "... Attended a GI Film Festival in Washington DC last month, where a documentary on Pets for Vets by a USC student was one of 50 films shown out of 1000 submitted. Several other films dealt with PTSD. Those directors and actors agreed more must be done to RAISE AWARENESS and find OUT-OF-THE-BOX solutions for this devastating disorder.  Pets for Vets was commended for a solution without relying on drugs."

She noted: "Although we haven't talked with any veterans who have read your book yet, those who know you wrote it are thankful and appreciative. They have all commented that most people have no understanding of PTSD and the wide variety of POTENTIAL TRIGGERS. They want awareness of the issue raised and think books like yours are an important step in that direction."

Attached was a clipping from an Indiana newspaper entitled: "Legion's leader meets with Obama.  She pointed out: "Since our National Commander of the American Legion meets with President Obama, he definitely needs a copy of your book."

The wheels began to turn.  My one chance-in-a-LIFETIME!  I couldn't let it slip through my fingers.

By June 20th, my RESEARCH was complete. My letter introducing Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and MISSION was polished.  With a prayer on my lips, I pressed SEND.

The next morning I received this reply: "I have spoken to the Commander. You may send your book to him at the following address .... He suggested  you also send one to Mrs. Obama ..." giving her address.  Then she went on with words of encouragement and offered other suggestions to further my MISSION!

Delight kindled my HAPPY DANCE that seemed to last for hours!

Next step, compose a letter to Mrs. Obama.  It was intimidating, but I refused let fear control the outcome. By Friday, June 28th, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was in the hands of our United States Postal Service Priority Mail and on its way to Washington DC.

Now I wait ... it's still hard to believe!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, AMERICA!

The first Independence Day celebration took place in Philadelphia on July 8, 1776.  This was the day that the Declaration of Independence was first read in public after people were summoned by the ringing of the LIBERTY BELL ... 237 years ago.
 

Our COUNTRY may be young but our history shows dedication to the freedom of all mankind.  America will always be the land of the free because it is the home of the brave.  We're proud of our man and women of the United States Armed Forces, whose diligence and courage make freedom possible today and for the future.

This HOLIDAY is celebrated with family gatherings where children throw Frisbees and men fire up grills for juicy hamburgers and hotdogs.  Women arrange a spread of homemade favorites and the flies die of happiness.

Once the sun melts into darkness, the magic begins.  Fireworks of every shape, size and color sizzle and dance across the night sky in a breathtaking ballet of lights.  And NOISE!

Last night I read an article, PTSD TRIGGERS - FIREWORKS ALERT, that I'm compelled to SHARE.

A veteran's wife, Michele Smith, pleaded with people to refrain from setting off fireworks in neighborhoods where the explosive sounds can cause major difficulties for our veterans.  She explained, "Last year's FOUR days in a row of explosions in their neighborhood started her husband on a PTSD downhill spiral that landed him in an inpatient lockdown facility a few days later."

She shared what her husband was able to tell her on that first night of fireworks last year.  "I can tell myself all night long those explosions out there are not a danger to us and that I'm NOT in Iraq.  INTELLIGENTLY, I understand.  But that doesn't stop the awful FEELING inside me that IF I don't go out there and try to do something about it, people ARE going to die!" 

She felt it would help if the general public was better informed how severely this affects many veterans, so that they may choose different options for celebrating their 4th.

I agree with Michele and hope people will think twice before shooting fireworks within our neighborhoods, knowing they will be helping our heroes live a more peaceful life after war.  And thank you for caring.

Lesson learned . . . my two cents

Last night I watched my latest Netflix, Memorial Day - instead of finishing my blog.  It showed a different viewpoint and I was deeply moved and inspired.  All who care about our veterans will benefit from this heartfelt true story.

Stories live forever but only if you tell them.  ~ Memorial Day (2012)

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife and Memorial Day Memories

War has gone on since the beginning of man's creation. And will continue until the end of time. This necessary evil brings death and pain not only to its victims, but also to the warriors and their loved ones covering our small planet. It's not the way we'd like it to be - it is the way it is.         ~ Nancy MacMillan, author

Diligently, I queried agents for a twelve-month period before I made the decision to self-publish my memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To my disappointment most agents failed to reply, yet the rejections I did receive were polite and encouraging. Honestly, it seemed to me - no one was willing to touch the subject matter.

Was it too real?

 Memorial Day began in 1868 to honor all the military personnel who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country and freedom. These brave warriors rest in peace not only on American soil, but approximately 125,000 are buried on foreign soil. American Battle Monument Cemeteries are located throughout the world (Belgium, France, Nova Scotia, England, Libya, Russia, Spain, Denmark, the Netherlands, Mexico and Australia). 

The Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, D.C. is one of 146 National Cemeteries in the United States. It covers 624 acres where 267,000 flags fly in memory of each of these brave warriors on Memorial day.

Our country is split by war. Each of us longs to live in peace and harmony, but how can this be attained without welcoming terror to our shores with open arms? There is no easy answer.

For me, this holiday unlocks memories and the trauma of war that daunted my warrior and our family for too many years. Skeletons of battle dancing in the hallways with no way to exorcise them. 

Though wars still fester for power, I'm encouraged by the awareness and hope in growing numbers worldwide, and their passion and concern for peoples of all nations. Women and children are the most vulnerable. 

The war I lived through is behind me, but sadly thousands have stepped into my shoes. Where we differ? They're blessed to have what I never had - someone to reach out to who understands. Many dedicated organizations now exist, while new groups are surfacing nationwide, committed people who truly love and care for our warriors who gave so much, and their families. Selfless men and women are waiting for the phone call. 

My heartfelt cry to those who are struggling - "Please seek help immediately. Love and understanding are waiting, but you must take the first step."  (Contact information in previous blog)

 A love for tradition has never weakened a nation indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril. ” ― Winston Churchill

The post below is from October 3, 2011 - I felt it appropriate, if you're inclined to read on . . .

"The Moving Wall" - An Experience I Will Never Forget!

On Thursday, September 29, 2011, I had the priviledge of being in Santa Barbara attending my writing class on the same day "The Moving Wall" arrived at Chase Palm Park. Was this a coincidence?

Members of the Vietnam Veterans of America, Chapter 218 of Santa Barbara, proudly honored the service and sacrifice of the 11 million men and women who served during the Vietnam War by bringing "The Moving Wall" to their fair city.

"When the soldiers came home from Vietnam, there were no parades, no celebrations.  So they built the Vietnam Memorial for themselves."         - General Wm. C. Westmoreland 

"The Moving Wall" is a replica of the original memorial on permanent display in Washington DC, where carved in granite are 58,226 names of brave Americans honored and remembered forever. We honor the courageous service of America's 2.8 million Vietnam Veterans - especially the 58,226 men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in serving their country for the enduring cause of freedom.

I pulled into the parking lot, took a ticket from the meter and found an empty parking space closest to the Memorial, though I still had a distance to walk. I sat in the car lost in thought. Questions filled my head. This was the closest I've come to "it" since the day I buried my husband's ashes in Houston National Cemetery, after which they folded his flag and presented it to me.  Could I do this with grace and dignity like Jacqueline Kennedy, or would I melt into a blubbering puddle?

I followed a sidewalk to the street and headed toward the monument. A photographer toting a heavy camera passed by. Towering palms scattered the patchy green grass. The sight of The Wall off in the distance, the sky and the ocean it's backdrop, enfolded me like a loving grandparent I'd never met. I felt timid, yet I knew I belonged . . .

They walk as if on hallowed ground. They touch the stone. They speak with the dead. They come to mourn and to remember, memory mixing with grief, making an old ritual new, creating in this time another timeless moment.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

In the distance, the long narrow black wall appeared to rise out of the ground where people stood like toy soldiers set in groups of two or three. Flags of many countries rose high against the hazy afternoon sky, furling in unison. A large khaki tent stood guard off to the right. As I drew near, the black panels began to reveal meticulous white lettering. Snapping flags overhead muffled the soft murmurs of family members, some clutching framed  photographs to their chest, as they stood solemnly talking with counselors near The Wall.

It was surreal . . . until it hit me.

The avalanche of names washed over me. Dear God, so many names. Too many names. Each called from the wall. I could hardly breathe. 58,226 names including 8 women. The Vietnam war. They all died in battle. This was all that was left of these warriors who were part of us, never again to feel the sun on their faces, or taste the salty air from an ocean breeze.

A train echoed from afar. A lean-muscled man riding a bicycle pulled up. His fluorescent green jacket and trimmed white beard reflect off the shiny black wall like a mirror. He straddled the bike as his eyes eagerly searched the names. One woman wandered a distance from the wall. Maybe fearful as I was to get too close. Afraid of being swallowed alive by the reality before us.

The Wall elicits a physical response. It has inspired visitors to represent their own grief, loss, rage, and despair. Contributing their private representations to public space they cross a boundary between the private and the public, the nation and the citizen, powerfully claiming the memorial as their own.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

The Vietnam war. So many names. So many died in battle. Yet many more returned home wounded to the core still fighting the battle. Their never-ending battle. Day and night the mortars still blaze, the screams, the cries still echo in the din. These returning soldiers who found themselves shunned and abandoned by a great many civilians who were not able to separate the war from the warrior.

As a writer, how can I not say what I feel? How my heart still aches for my husband . . . and all the names on this wall. It aches for all the people who loved and cherished the people who were these names, and feel the pain they still bare. I reached out and touched one name . . . Leon B Smith II in raised white letters. My heart hurt. Then I noticed a sign that read, "Do Not Touch the Wall."

I spent a large part of the afternoon sitting on the grass, a distance from the wall, journaling, taking pictures and thinking. How can these families heal? I wrote a book which allowed me to put my heart on paper. I may have found healing . . . but I can never forget.

Occasionally, I'd wander up to the wall and walk its length looking at the volumes of names which loving parents carefully chose for their precious newborn as they envisioned the bright future their baby would grow into.

And never dreaming the name they chose would one day stand as part of the history of our country.

Lesson Learned . . . or my two cents

The human heart can be shattered in a million pieces . . . yet you still must go on living.

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / The Truth and Vulnerability

“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.”       ― Ian McEwan 
 

My memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, has reached the far corners of our planet in search of readers living in the wake of PTSD. I invite others with compassion for our warriors, to learn what too many veterans contend with after they return from combat. Each family may cope with something different, yet we belong to each other. I can only show what happened to me and my family.
 

Telling the truth has opened wounds I cannot heal. I can only say, "I'm sorry." Had I not put my story on paper, I was sure it would have eaten me alive from the inside out. I have made myself vulnerable so others might learn and to give them hope.

It takes two to speak the truth one to speak, and another to hear. ~ Henry David Thoreau

The past months have vanished like a breath in the wind as I plow through books and websites of  MARKETING ideas. Each morning I face my opponent boldly as it winks and taunts me with a beckoning finger, enticing me into yet another maze of information to be digested. It can be overwhelming, but I know this too shall pass.

Regretfully, I've had little time lately for writing and creating, so I decided to post a blog from earlier last year that you may not have seen:

Wounded Warriors Walk Among Us     (February 2, 2012)

"After wars' end, soldiers once again become civilians and return to their families to try to pick up where they left off.  It is this process of readjustment that has, more often than not, been ignored by society." -- Major Robert H. Stretch, Ph.D in Textbook of Military Medicine: Vol. 6 Combat Stress

Recently, we witnessed our troops returning home from Iraq. It was the biggest U.S. withdrawal since WWII with another 33,000 troops due home from Afghanistan this year. Certainly GREAT NEWS for families praying for their safe return.  

Major television stations throughout the country broadcast the "Homecoming" of these brave man and women reuniting with loved ones after a long fierce war. Spellbound voyeurs, we shared in the first crushing embraces and unashamed tears, while young children were swooped up in happiness and held high overhead. We grinned as bright-eyed babies warily met their fathers for the first time.

But all parties come to an end. The time comes for our veterans to return home and emotionally detach from the war they left behind thousands of miles across the sea. Everyone wants to believe they can STEP BACK into the lives they left behind - but it hurts me to say, it doesn't work that way. 

Battle has changed each of them. Some physically, all mentally. It's this knowledge that burdens my heart. I've been there - I know what clings to the shadows.

When news came to Walt Whitman that his brother George had been wounded at Fredericksburg during the Civil War, Whitman rushed south to find him. Though his brother's injury was slight, Whitman was deeply affected by his first view of the war's casualties. He began visiting the camp's wounded and, almost by accident, found his calling for the duration of the war. Three years later, he emerged as the war's "most unlikely hero," a living symbol of American democratic ideals of sharing and brotherhood.    

                     - The Better Angel, by acclaimed biographer Roy Morris, Jr.

Last week on MSNBC, I saw that St Louis was the first city in our country to have a parade for their returning warriors from Iraq. I was moved by the heart of this city because they understood what should be done to HONOR our veterans and help the HEALING begin  . . . and they did it!   

  

Why hasn't this happened all over the country? These brave men and women deserve our loyalty and respect along with our ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the SACRIFICES they endured for us. We sit home safe and secure enjoying the peace we take for granted, while these men and women fight and die for our country in another land far away. I don't understand .
    

  

I feel the need to share my thoughts because I lived with a Vietnam veteran who suffered with PTSD for 16 years. He was the love of my life, but at that time there was no help. Today, resources are at our fingertips through the wonder of the Internet. Although they are still not enough to meet all the needs of our veterans it's a start. 

One reason I wrote my story, Diary of a Vet's Wife, was to show our country what was happening right under their noses, and to give support to those families now living the nightmare. This CRISIS is real. The war does not stop when our troops withdraw from combat. It follows them home like a big black dog.

My memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, shows the devastating side effects of war on one family, yet I know there are mega-thousands throughout the world living this nightmare as I once did.  How can we STOP it?

The signs of post traumatic stress disorder MAY start out subtle. Many refuse to admit anything is wrong.

What You Need to Know

• Traumas happen to many competent, healthy, strong, good people.
• Many people have long-lasting problems following exposure to trauma.
• People who react to traumas are not going crazy.
• Having symptoms after a traumatic event is not a sign of personal weakness.
• When a person understands trauma symptoms better, he or she become less fearful and are better able to manage them.

PTSD Symptoms/Signs generally fall into 3 main categories: 

    

     Intrusive - Re-experiencing traumatic events                                                

• Distressing recollections
• Flashbacks
• Nightmares
• Feeling anxious or fearful

     Avoidant - Drawing inward or becoming emotionally numb

• Extensive and active avoidance
• Loss of interest
• Feeling detached from others
• Restricting your emotions
• Trouble remembering
• Shutting down
• Feeling strange
• Not feeling pain or other sensations

     Hyper-arousal - Increased physical or emotional arousal

• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly
• An exaggerated startle response
• Being overly angry or aggressive
• Panic attacks

     Triggers can include the following:

• Specific scenes
• Movement
• TV
• Sound or smell
• Reading
• Touch
• Situational

If you or a loved one seems overwhelmed by PTSD symptoms, please remember, there are many resources available to you. If you need immediate help, PLEASE GET IT NOW! PTSD does not go away on it's own . . . and will only get worse left unattended. 

Below I've listed the number of The Veterans Crisis Line. Please check out Veterans Crisis Line.net, even if you don't think you need it now. Get familiar with the resources available, and save this information for easy access.  Please call . . .


The Veterans Crisis Line is a U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs resource that connects Veterans in crisis and their families with qualified, caring VA professionals through a confidential toll-free hotline and on-line chat.

Download the Veterans Crisis Line logos and other graphics to display on your website or materials to show support for our Nation's Veterans and help them get the care they deserve.

The new VA suicide prevention hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), recently reported that it's received more than 55,000 calls, averaging 120 per day, with about 22,000 callers saying they were veterans.

(Excerpts taken from retired website: PTSD Combat: Winning the War Within)

 Lesson Learned . . . My two cents

"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it in full."    - Marcel Proust

Thank you for stopping. If you're unable to post a comment here, you can email me at:  onhrway@earthlink.net.