PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife and Memorial Day Memories

War has gone on since the beginning of man's creation. And will continue until the end of time. This necessary evil brings death and pain not only to its victims, but also to the warriors and their loved ones covering our small planet. It's not the way we'd like it to be - it is the way it is.         ~ Nancy MacMillan, author

Diligently, I queried agents for a twelve-month period before I made the decision to self-publish my memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To my disappointment most agents failed to reply, yet the rejections I did receive were polite and encouraging. Honestly, it seemed to me - no one was willing to touch the subject matter.

Was it too real?

 Memorial Day began in 1868 to honor all the military personnel who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country and freedom. These brave warriors rest in peace not only on American soil, but approximately 125,000 are buried on foreign soil. American Battle Monument Cemeteries are located throughout the world (Belgium, France, Nova Scotia, England, Libya, Russia, Spain, Denmark, the Netherlands, Mexico and Australia). 

The Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, D.C. is one of 146 National Cemeteries in the United States. It covers 624 acres where 267,000 flags fly in memory of each of these brave warriors on Memorial day.

Our country is split by war. Each of us longs to live in peace and harmony, but how can this be attained without welcoming terror to our shores with open arms? There is no easy answer.

For me, this holiday unlocks memories and the trauma of war that daunted my warrior and our family for too many years. Skeletons of battle dancing in the hallways with no way to exorcise them. 

Though wars still fester for power, I'm encouraged by the awareness and hope in growing numbers worldwide, and their passion and concern for peoples of all nations. Women and children are the most vulnerable. 

The war I lived through is behind me, but sadly thousands have stepped into my shoes. Where we differ? They're blessed to have what I never had - someone to reach out to who understands. Many dedicated organizations now exist, while new groups are surfacing nationwide, committed people who truly love and care for our warriors who gave so much, and their families. Selfless men and women are waiting for the phone call. 

My heartfelt cry to those who are struggling - "Please seek help immediately. Love and understanding are waiting, but you must take the first step."  (Contact information in previous blog)

 A love for tradition has never weakened a nation indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril. ” ― Winston Churchill

The post below is from October 3, 2011 - I felt it appropriate, if you're inclined to read on . . .

"The Moving Wall" - An Experience I Will Never Forget!

On Thursday, September 29, 2011, I had the priviledge of being in Santa Barbara attending my writing class on the same day "The Moving Wall" arrived at Chase Palm Park. Was this a coincidence?

Members of the Vietnam Veterans of America, Chapter 218 of Santa Barbara, proudly honored the service and sacrifice of the 11 million men and women who served during the Vietnam War by bringing "The Moving Wall" to their fair city.

"When the soldiers came home from Vietnam, there were no parades, no celebrations.  So they built the Vietnam Memorial for themselves."         - General Wm. C. Westmoreland 

"The Moving Wall" is a replica of the original memorial on permanent display in Washington DC, where carved in granite are 58,226 names of brave Americans honored and remembered forever. We honor the courageous service of America's 2.8 million Vietnam Veterans - especially the 58,226 men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in serving their country for the enduring cause of freedom.

I pulled into the parking lot, took a ticket from the meter and found an empty parking space closest to the Memorial, though I still had a distance to walk. I sat in the car lost in thought. Questions filled my head. This was the closest I've come to "it" since the day I buried my husband's ashes in Houston National Cemetery, after which they folded his flag and presented it to me.  Could I do this with grace and dignity like Jacqueline Kennedy, or would I melt into a blubbering puddle?

I followed a sidewalk to the street and headed toward the monument. A photographer toting a heavy camera passed by. Towering palms scattered the patchy green grass. The sight of The Wall off in the distance, the sky and the ocean it's backdrop, enfolded me like a loving grandparent I'd never met. I felt timid, yet I knew I belonged . . .

They walk as if on hallowed ground. They touch the stone. They speak with the dead. They come to mourn and to remember, memory mixing with grief, making an old ritual new, creating in this time another timeless moment.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

In the distance, the long narrow black wall appeared to rise out of the ground where people stood like toy soldiers set in groups of two or three. Flags of many countries rose high against the hazy afternoon sky, furling in unison. A large khaki tent stood guard off to the right. As I drew near, the black panels began to reveal meticulous white lettering. Snapping flags overhead muffled the soft murmurs of family members, some clutching framed  photographs to their chest, as they stood solemnly talking with counselors near The Wall.

It was surreal . . . until it hit me.

The avalanche of names washed over me. Dear God, so many names. Too many names. Each called from the wall. I could hardly breathe. 58,226 names including 8 women. The Vietnam war. They all died in battle. This was all that was left of these warriors who were part of us, never again to feel the sun on their faces, or taste the salty air from an ocean breeze.

A train echoed from afar. A lean-muscled man riding a bicycle pulled up. His fluorescent green jacket and trimmed white beard reflect off the shiny black wall like a mirror. He straddled the bike as his eyes eagerly searched the names. One woman wandered a distance from the wall. Maybe fearful as I was to get too close. Afraid of being swallowed alive by the reality before us.

The Wall elicits a physical response. It has inspired visitors to represent their own grief, loss, rage, and despair. Contributing their private representations to public space they cross a boundary between the private and the public, the nation and the citizen, powerfully claiming the memorial as their own.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

The Vietnam war. So many names. So many died in battle. Yet many more returned home wounded to the core still fighting the battle. Their never-ending battle. Day and night the mortars still blaze, the screams, the cries still echo in the din. These returning soldiers who found themselves shunned and abandoned by a great many civilians who were not able to separate the war from the warrior.

As a writer, how can I not say what I feel? How my heart still aches for my husband . . . and all the names on this wall. It aches for all the people who loved and cherished the people who were these names, and feel the pain they still bare. I reached out and touched one name . . . Leon B Smith II in raised white letters. My heart hurt. Then I noticed a sign that read, "Do Not Touch the Wall."

I spent a large part of the afternoon sitting on the grass, a distance from the wall, journaling, taking pictures and thinking. How can these families heal? I wrote a book which allowed me to put my heart on paper. I may have found healing . . . but I can never forget.

Occasionally, I'd wander up to the wall and walk its length looking at the volumes of names which loving parents carefully chose for their precious newborn as they envisioned the bright future their baby would grow into.

And never dreaming the name they chose would one day stand as part of the history of our country.

Lesson Learned . . . or my two cents

The human heart can be shattered in a million pieces . . . yet you still must go on living.

PTSD / "Diary of a Vet's Wife" / Sneak Peek at the Cover

July 4th, 2012 was the date I set to release Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - the driving force behind my madness. Regretfully, I didn't make it. But I tried! The good news? I'm close, very close!

Liberty is the breath of life to nations.  ~George Bernard Shaw

As I sat watching the Fourth of July fireworks dance over New York city on TV, mesmerized by the blazing light show, my thoughts drifted to those who fought for the freedom we enjoy and often take for granted. Far too many young men and women gave the ultimate sacrifice. Yet what about those warriors who returned home dragging the war behind them?

Our country has such abundance, compared to what I see throughout the world and the havoc and terror so many have to deal with. Why must war rage on? The thirst for power ... freedom ... human dignity. The constant battle of good and evil. These wars we see from the outside, continue to FESTER on the inside long after they are over. And it's happening all over the world!

I know because I've lived with that aftermath of war. I know first hand the pain and heartbreak, and the never-ending feeling of helplessness.

Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may be my story, but there are thousands living as I once did, which compelled me to share my journey from its beginning. I wanted others to know they're not alone, and maybe they can learn from the lessons I was taught ... before it's too late.

A picture is worth a thousand words.  ~~ Napoleon Bonapart

Pictures can speak louder than the people in them. The setting - the light - the mood - the eyes.  Amazing photographs stream across the internet faster than a fire storm, yet they are soon forgotten. 

Then there are photographs hidden away in an old hat box in the back of a closet. Tucked out of sight for decades. Pictures that leave an INDELIBLE impression that often linger for a lifetime. 

During the last year I struggled with ideas for my book cover. Suggestions and renderings were offered but nothing was quite right.  A few months ago, my daughter and son-in-law in Australia sent an email asking to join the MacMillan team, and they volunteered to do the cover. Each creatively endowed in many areas, I was delighted to welcome them onboard.

Soon afterwards an email arrived requesting a photograph of my husband in uniform. Hmmm ... I didn't have such a photo. I didn't meet Lorne, my husband, until two years after he returned home from Vietnam.

Immediately, I called his mom in Houston and explained my dilemma. She wasn't sure if she had one either but said she would check.  A week or so later, I received a letter and six photos.  She apologized because she only had two of Lorne in uniform.

I had never seen either photo. One was an official military photo, the other just a snapshot. They held me captive as memories knawed at my heart. The following day I made copies for my mother-in-law and myself, then sent the originals to Australia.

Tiffany and Scott did their magic while I scrambled with what I had to do. There was proof-reading and formatting once the manuscript was sized to fit (5.5 x 8.5). Everything must be perfect. Self-publishing means you alone are responsible for any errors. Period! I still had to polish off a blurb for the back cover, which would also appear in Ingram's catalog with a 75 word minimum. I touched base with my patient editor a few more times. And there was the author photo to decide on.

When the back cover is complete, it will be downloaded for the printer. I then wait for the galley, the first book, which must be proof-read again - all 320 pages. Once I sign off on it - it's ready to roll! I promise to keep you posted! 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

The sneak peek! Last Friday, I finally viewed the finished front cover of my book and I couldn't be more pleased.  It's perfect!  My story now has a face unlike any other.

PTSD / Vet's Wife Self-Publishing / Chapter 33 Excerpt

The clock ticks louder and pressure is building.  Will I make my self-imposed book release date of July 4th?  A GIANT QUESTION MARK! 

Chapter One of my memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, begins on July 3rd . . . this date is huge to the topic of my story.

My final draft of the MANUSCRIPT was emailed to my self-publisher on Monday, June 4th, for basic formatting.  What surprised me was a feeling I can only liken to the empty nest syndrome.  I've put my HEART and SOUL into my writing for so many years, I feel lost without it!  Do all writers experience this with their first book?  I've sent my heart out into the world, the house echoes with emptiness.  Will the world be KIND or CRUEL?   

An avid reader all my life, I never stopped to think how much work went into publishing the bazillion books buttering our planet that I took for granted.  But I do NOW!  As a novice, it's enormous!  Am I just a wimp?  Or too much of a perfectionist?  No one else complains.

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time.  It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.
           -Virginia Woolf

(I've placed the following excerpt here for my READERS ONLY, so they don't have to plow through the publishing jargon that I share with other writers).

Chapter 33 Excerpt . . .

     I turned in my sleep, automatically reaching for my husband.  But my hand touched cold empty sheets.  I opened one eye and glanced at the clock.  It was 4:00 a.m.  An alarm went off in my head; the bars close at two.  Unable to fall back to sleep I slipped out of bed, wandered out into the hall and turned on the light.  Shivering in a thin nightgown, I made my way to the living room.  There in the shadows Lorne slept on the couch, fully clothed, curled in a fetal position.  Still half asleep, I shuffled barefoot across the carpet; my only thought was to coax my husband to bed where he would be more comfortable.

     “Lorne,” I whispered, leaning over him, gently laying my hand on his shoulder.

     Suddenly, his eyes snapped open.  He leapt from the couch, landing in a tight crouching position.  His jaw muscles twitched in the dim light, his fists clenched at his chest, ready to strike.  He scared me to death.

     “LORNE!” I shouted, backing away, “IT’S ME, NANCY!”

     Hearing my voice, his eyes came into focus and his facial expression softened.  He was groggy and shaken, but he realized where he was and straightened up, letting his hands drop to his side. 

     “God damn it, Nancy,” he reprimanded me, “don’t ever do that again.  I could have hurt you bad.  And God knows I don’t ever want to do that.”  Shaking his head, he ran his fingers through his hair.  “Nancy, you just don’t understand.  You have no idea what I’m capable of doing.  Promise me you’ll never do that again.”

     “I promise,” I said timidly, sinking into the couch.  I reached up and turned on the lamp.

     Lorne sat down next to me, his brow creased, confusion obscuring his face.  He lit a cigarette, leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and stared out into the dark kitchen.      

      “Baby, I’ve seen and done things I can’t tell you about.  Terrible things,” he said, not looking at me.  “The jungle in Nam was hell.  And the nights were worse.  Black as pitch, you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face; I never saw anything like it.  You sleep with one eye open.  You never knew when one of those gooks in their black pajamas would reach out and stick a knife in your gut.  Couldn’t see the little bastards but you knew they were there.  You couldn’t hear ‘em but you could smell ‘em.  Never knew who would get it next.  Which sorry bastard would get his throat slit?. . .  

My Latest Trials and Triumphs . . .   

My last blog detailed my encounter with the MUSIC PUBLISHING world. Their quick response was welcome, but I later learned there were "two writers names" on the copyright of the lyrics that were THE END of  my story!  Okay, now what?  The good price I was quoted was good only if the other writer agreed to it.  If not, they were each to be paid the higher price!

Thank goodness, my self-publisher saved me a lot of money.  They refused to COUNT BOOKS SOLD, which was a requirement in the copyright.  Can't count books printed one at a time!  Instead, I stubbornly rewrote the last chapter without using the song lyrics . . . even though it REALLY HAPPENED. 

Note:  For the full impact of Chapter 107,  the reader might want a copy of the words to Are You Lonesome Tonight? close at hand.

FORMATTING - The process of "laying out" text and illustrations to convert a manuscript into a finished book page design                 Independent Self-Publishing - the complete guide by Michael N. Marcus

Personally, I lack expertise when it comes to the whistles and bells that hide behind the written words on my computer screen, which magnifies my challenge with formatting my manuscript.

Once the manuscript was submitted and accepted by the self-publisher, my next step was agreeing to the contract and payment.  At that time, they wanted information for THE BOOK TEXT FILE . . . I chose 5.5 x 8.5 (black and white interior only) and creme color paper.

This self-publisher has a limit of 14 ACCEPTABLE FONTS that are used by their printer, allowing the writer to use ONLY TWO of these fonts throughout the manuscript.  The end result:  I chose Palatino Linograph for the body of my text and Arial for titles.  It was time consuming to adjust my 108 chapters to this requirement.  I know there's an easier way, but I wasn't taking a chance of messing up my work at this late stage.

Also noted:  Tabs should be set at .25 or .3, not .5.  DO NOT USE TABS TO INDENT PARAGRAPHS.  Tabs should be replaced with indents.  No idea how to safely perform this task!

(My self-publisher agreed to handle the few tasks I shyed away from).

I think it was at this point I actually REALIZED we were converting a 8.5 x 11 manuscript, 408 double-spaced pages into a 5.5 x 8.5 Trade Paperback!  This meant my book could grow to 500 pages, including blank pages and PART NUMBER inserts.  Not good!  TOO BIG!  The price of a book is determined by the page count.

My challenge: SHRINK THE BOOK!

I ended up outlining a templet of the 5.5 x 8.5 printable area on a clear plastic sleeve with a marker.  Then I proceeded to change fonts, sizing and spacing on one page my manuscript.  One at a time, I'd slip them into the sleeve. This allowed me to judge which combinations would be EASIEST TO READ, while downsizing my work.  I changed the style and size of the chapter number and title as well.

I was on a MISSION - DOWNSIZE the number of pages to cut the cost to the buyer.

As I was formatting, I noticed the WASTED space at the end of many chapters.  

I skimmed through books, looking for ways I could conserve space and I found what I was looking for in a book by Elizabeth Gilbert - "rolling chapters."  Gilbert's publisher began each new chapter within a FEW SPACES of the previous chapter.  A few spaces, a bold chapter number and her story continued, eliminating wasted space.  Actually, I never noticed it until I began my research.  Gilbert's publisher may have done this for the same reason.  And it looks GREAT!

The END RESULT - 188 single spaced 8.5 x 11 pages.  I won't know the final count, nor the thickness of the cover spine, until my manuscript is returned for final proofing.

My FINAL STEP -  To alert my book cover designer in Australia the spine width, which is necessary in completing his work. Once the cover and manuscript are downloaded to the self-publisher - I wait for the galley (first copy printed).  And the BIRTH of my first book. :)

To be continued . . .

Lessons learned . . . my two cents

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."     

                                                                       ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self-Publishing? Galley and Reviewer Quandry . . .

It's my final week of craziness and I feel like the gibbering white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland . . . "I'm late!  I'm late!  For a very important date!  No time to say Hello.  Goodbye.  I'm late!  I'm late!  I'm late!"

This fall, I bit off more than I could chew!  I signed up for too many classes, what with working part-time, doing a weekly blog and trying to publish my first book.  I've learned my lesson!  Gemini or no Gemini, I'm not twins and I won't do that again . . . I hope!

The whole life of man is but a point of time; let us enjoy it.              - Plutarch (46 AD - 120 AD)

My book cover is my main focus at this point.  It was pure joy to see the sample cover Tom Carey brought to class, and KNOW that my 96,000 words are REALLY going to be a book!  I'm no country mouse, but the reality was beyond words.  I still want to play with a few more ideas, once life settles down a bit, but I've decided SIMPLE and SYMBOLIC is best for my memoir.  There's also fonts, but that's for another day.  

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS A GALLEY?

I always thought a GALLEY was the compartment of a ship, train or airplane where food is cooked and prepared.  But this month, I learned a GALLEY is also a term for a pre-production copy that PUBLISHING COMPANIES send out to reviewers and people of the press.

Does a book's SUCCESS depend on favorable and widespread book review coverage?  And what about self-publishers?

Self-publishers have EVERY RIGHT to this favorable and widespread marketing tool . . . but you must plan in advance!

 In theory, there are usually 2 printings; your galley run and your main print run.  A GALLEY is also known as an "advanced uncorrected proof," these words should be printed on the front and back covers. (Galley is also a synonom for ARC, advance reading copy).

KEY REVIEWERS need to see your book well before your release date, 3-4 months prior, giving them the time to read and review.  This is to collect advance endorsements, "blurbs," for your final edition.

A GALLEY run can be simple, or they can  look identical to the final version . . . which is strongly recommended.  (The Well-Fed Self-Publisher - Peter Bowerman)

I've tentatively set July 4th, 2012 as my book release date for Diary of a Vet's Wife, my memior, inasmuch as Chapter One begins on July 3rd.  If this doesn't happen, my next preference is Veterans Day 2012.

My book will be in it's final version before sending it to a KEY REVIEWER.  Will I have "advance reading copy" printed on the front and back?  Probably not . . . an added expense.  In researching the key reviewers listed, some want an ARC from the PUBLISHER, not a self-publisher.  For this battle I must super-charge my TENACITY. . . you never know unless you try.  Are you game?

These First-Line Reviewers can get the word out early, if you can get your foot in the door, and they end up selling lots of books.  The main ones are:

• Booklist - www.ala.org/booklist/ - 15 weeks prior. 
• Library Journal - http://www.libraryjournal.com/ - found difficult to navigate
• Publishers Weekly - http://www.publishersweekly.com/ - Go to PW Select. Quarterly supplement that presents self-published books to PW's trade audience. A $149 registration fee intitles you to a listing of your book, etc. 25 books picked each quarter based on merit to be reviewed by PW staff. 
• ForeWord magazine - http://www.forewordmagazine.com/ - Independent publishers only - free
• Kirkus Reviews - http://www.kirkusreviews.com/ - Standard service review (7-9 weeks) is $425.

Note:  Reviews should be FREE!!

There are endless BOOK REVIEWERS on the Internet.  Remember, there should be NO CHARGE!  The DIFFERENCE with these reviewers - Once a good review is posted, their followers may want your book in their hands . . . it must be available for purchase!  Books are impulse buys, don't lose a sale!

The best free resource I've seen on indie book reviews:

• simon-royle.com/indie-reviewers - has a list of over 101 reviewers and growing.  All have followers.  Check comments, as a few try to charge for a review.
• Also, mediabistro.com/.../best-book-reviewers-on-twitter - seems like an endless list.

Galleycat.com/ - The First Word on the Book Publishing Industry - Stay on top of the publishing news by signing up on their website.  Good info.

I could go on and on . . . but this is a start and will keep you busy for a while . . .

Food for thought:  If you're self-published (or POD - print on demand) and ready to go . . . why not start your research and contact a few new reviewers each week?  And watch the MAGIC happen!

Lesson learned . . . my two cents

Last week in my writing class, I learned that a SELF-PUBLISHED book can now be SUBMITTED to an agent or a small publishing house in lieu of a Book Proposal!  Once you've stepped out on your own and have established a track record . . . you may want to PLAY with this idea.

Do you have favorite book reviewers you would like to share?

"The Moving Wall" . . . An Experience I Will Never Forget!

On Thursday, September 29th, I had the priviledge of being in Santa Barbara attending my writing class on the same day "The Moving Wall" arrived at Chase Palm Park . . . was this a coincidence?

Members of the Vietnam Veterans of America, Chapter 218 of Santa Barbara, proudly honored the service and sacrifice of the 11 million men and women who served during the Vietnam War by bringing "The Moving Wall" to their fair city.

"When the soldiers came home from Vietnam, there were no parades, no celebrations.  So they built the Vietnam Memorial for themselves."         - General Wm. C. Westmoreland 


"The Moving Wall" is a replica of the original memorial on permanent display in Washington DC, where carved in granite are 58,226 names of brave Americans honored and remembered forever. We honor the courageous service of America's 2.8 million Vietnam Veterans - especially the 58,226 men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in serving their country for the enduring cause of freedom.

I pulled into the parking lot, took a ticket from the meter and found an empty parking space closest to the Memorial, though I still had a distance to walk. I sat in the car lost in thought. Questions filled my head. This was the closest I've come to "it" since the day I buried my husband's ashes in Houston National Cemetery, after which they folded his flag and presented it to me.  Could I do this with grace and dignity like Jacqueline Kennedy, or would I melt into a blubbering puddle?

I followed a sidewalk to the street and headed toward the monument. A photographer toting a heavy camera passed by. Towering palms scattered the patchy green grass. The sight of The Wall off in the distance, the sky and the ocean it's backdrop, enfolded me like a loving grandparent I'd never met. I felt timid, yet I knew I belonged . . .

They walk as if on hallowed ground. They touch the stone. They speak with the dead. They come to mourn and to remember, memory mixing with grief, making an old ritual new, creating in this time another timeless moment.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

In the distance, the long narrow black wall appeared to rise out of the ground where people stood like toy soldiers set in groups of two or three. Flags of many countries rose high against the hazy afternoon sky, furling in unison. A large khaki tent stood guard off to the right. As I drew near, the black panels began to reveal meticulous white lettering. Snapping flags overhead muffled the soft murmurs of family members, some clutching framed  photographs to their chest, as they stood solemnly talking with counselors near The Wall.

It was surreal . . . until it hit me.

The avalanche of names washed over me. Dear God, so many names. Too many names. Each called from the wall. I could hardly breathe. 58,226 names including 8 women. The Vietnam war. They all died in battle. This was all that was left of these warriors who were part of us, never again to feel the sun on their faces, or taste the salty air from an ocean breeze.

A train echoed from afar. A lean-muscled man riding a bicycle pulled up. His fluorescent green jacket and trimmed white beard reflect off the shiny black wall like a mirror. He straddled the bike as his eyes eagerly searched the names. One woman wandered a distance from the wall. Maybe fearful as I was to get too close. Afraid of being swallowed alive by the reality before us.

The Wall elicits a physical response. It has inspired visitors to represent their own grief, loss, rage, and despair. Contributing their private representations to public space they cross a boundary between the private and the public, the nation and the citizen, powerfully claiming the memorial as their own.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

The Vietnam war. So many names. So many died in battle. Yet many more returned home wounded to the core still fighting the battle. Their never-ending battle. Day and night the mortars still blaze, the screams, the cries still echo in the din. These returning soldiers who found themselves shunned and abandoned by a great many civilians who were not able to separate the war from the warrior.

As a writer, how can I not say what I feel? How my heart still aches for my husband . . . and all the names on this wall. It aches for all the people who loved and cherished the people who were these names, and feel the pain they still bare. I reached out and touched one name . . . Leon B Smith II in raised white letters. My heart hurt. Then I noticed a sign that read, "Do Not Touch the Wall."

I spent a large part of the afternoon sitting on the grass, a distance from the wall, journaling, taking pictures and thinking. How can these families heal? I wrote a book which allowed me to put my heart on paper. I may have found healing . . . but I can never forget.

Occasionally, I'd wander up to the wall and walk it's length looking at the volumes of names which loving parents carefully chose for their precious newborn as they envisioned the bright future their baby would grow into.

And never dreaming the name they chose would one day stand as part of the history of our country . . .

Lesson Learned . . . or my two cents
The human heart can be shattered in a million pieces . . . yet you still must go on living.

A few Vietnam war facts you may not know::

• The Vietnam War was the longest war in history  1955-1975
• There are still nearly 2000 POW (Prisoners of War) - MIA's (Missing in Action) who have not been accounted for, who never came home from the Vietnam War.
• The U.S. fighting in Vietnam was called a conflict because Congress never voted to officially declare it a war.
• 265,000 women served during the Vietnam war. Over 10,000 were stationed in combat zones alongside their brother soldiers. All were volunteers. The names of those who gave their lives are etched in stone forever, there were 8 of them . . . Carol, Elizabeth, Eleanor, Hedwig, Pamela, Annie, Sharon and Mary.

What is a Synopsis and Why? . . . Part One

As a general rule, I believed a Synopsis was used to sell most fiction books, whereas a Book Proposal was the selling tool for nonfiction.  My book is a memoir and I was taught a book proposal would be required for submission.  I spent agonizing months laboring over this monster to put it kindly, and was ready to throw a party when I was finished.  Yet my research  uncovered a conundrum between the two . . . different books, articles and agents say one thing . . . while others say just the opposite.  Great!
 
The solution:  Be prepared to do both . . . unless you know something I don't know, or plan to self-publish.

. . . See B is for Book Proposal . . . Part One and Two in May & June.
 
Your initial contact determines the agent's first impression of you.  You want to be professional and brief.  Research plays an important role, show the agent you've done your homework.

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."       Anne Lamott

Submission guidelines . . . The agent I described in my last blog stated they do not accept email queries.  This pleased me because of all the email queries I've sent . . . only 1 replied.  Instead, this new agent asked for a query letter,  a 1-3 page synopsis, and the first 50 pages of my manuscript, which is different from most.   Rewriting my query letter was a snap compared to the synopsis.  My original synopsis is part of my book proposal.  I slaved to shave the 109 chapters in Diary of a Vet's Wife down to 7 pages and I was RELIEVED when it was DONE!  Now I'm being asked to condense this same information into 1-3 pages!  Are they serious???

The SYNOPSIS is the most important part of your submission package!!!

It's your selling tool . . . your ticket in the door!  And it can prove harder to write than the actual book, but it's worth it.  You must develop, sweat over and polish it . . . giving it the same attention you devoted to your book!

Your query letter and synopsis are what sells the editor on your manuscript!

Your synopsis is an outline describing the general events of your book written in the PRESENT TENSE NARRATIVE. 

Some key questions to answer in a synopsis:

  What is your story about?

•   Who are the main characters?
•   What do these characters want?
•   What stands in their way of getting it?

A short description of the main theme of a nonfiction work should focus on:

•   The Main Characters
•   The Main Plot
•   The Main Conflicts 

How to Write a Great Synopsis . . . 

1. Focus on your characters and what is happening to them!
2. Give editor a sense of setting, tone and pace of your book.  They are your reader . . . entice them.
3. Follow the editors instructions!!! 
4. Don't reproduce first pages of your book!  Make synopsis original, yet a true representation of your story at the same time.
5. DON'T LEAVE OUT THE CLIFF HANGERS.
6. Don't include character's physical description
7. Don't include secondary characters, unless important to plot and affect your character

One Step at a Time . . .

Don't be intimidated . . . break it down . . . step by step

•   Sit for a final reading with a pen and notebook
•   As you finish each chapter, write a 1 or 2 paragraph summary
•   What happened?
•   Where?
•   To which character?

Notice themes running through chapters as you read.  Make note of themes.  You may uncover your one-line summary agents and editors like so much.

When you are done, you will have a chapter by chapter book outline called the author's outline.

Though this outline is no longer favored by editors and agents, it will remain one of your most valuable writing tools.  Never throw it away!  This outline will help if you ever decide to revise your novel.

Immediate use for the outline . . . Now you can pinpoint the most important plot points in the outline and put them into the synopsis. 

To be continued . . .

My trip to Ohio . . .

At my mom's, I was greeted by 100 empty cream puff shells, covered in plastic wrap, waiting on my bedroom dresser.  She's 94 and my cousin assisted in this endeavor.  As tradition goes, I help mom and my sister fill and frost these delicate shells the morning of the reunion. 

Mom was up early, too excited to sleep, and had 40-some filled before I wandered into the kitchen for coffee.  Everything went well until it was time for the frosting.  Mom didn't have a recipe . . . it's in her head and all she remembered was the list of ingredients!  What to do?  So, like 3 mad scientists, we added a little bit-of-this and a little bit-of-that into the pan hoping it won't turn to fudge. Soon mom announced, "It feels right," as she sat stirring the smooth, warm chocolate with a wooden spoon.

The cream puffs were perfection.  All 45 at the reunion once again savored this infamous delicacy . . . unaware of our chaos.

Lessons learned . . . my two cents

"Literary experience heals the wound, without undermining the privilege, of individuality."  C.S. Lewis 

What Next? . . . Time for An Agent

When was the last time you saw something that took your breath away?

A week before my trip to New Zealand, I drove a friend to the ocean, which she hadn't seen in years.  The day was perfect.  The water's surface dimpled by a steady breeze, frothy white curls crashed against one another.  I pulled my car off the road overlooking the view, and opened my sunroof to listen to its rhythm.  

Suddenly I notice three, massive brown pelicans gliding in formation over the road coming toward us.  Their seven-foot wing span cast shadows on the mountain wall.  Strong necks stretch to conceal their pouches, purple feet are tucked against their belly.  I am spellbound.  Then I see another formation off to the right.  I count eleven huge birds gliding along the ocean's edge . . . then another group of eight . . . and then three.  They keep coming until I lose count.  These mammoth birds fly over my car like small airplanes.  I feel like we're in Jurassic Park . . . expecting to see an Allosaurus lumbering down the road after us.  It takes my breath away!!! 

Literature is like any other trade; you will never sell anything unless you go to the right shop.    - George Bernard Shaw

Searching for an agent can be overwhelming, whether you just finished your first book, or have several publishing credits on your resume.  The question is . . . do you need a literary agent, or can you submit the work directly to publishers on your own?

Research suggests the following . . .

• Large publishing houses like Simon & Schuster, Random House, etc. require literary agent representation.  They lack the time and manpower to go through a plethora of queries in search of the next best seller.  However, an agent will dive in looking for the biggest fish.  His/or her reputation is at stake, as well as his income.
• Medium and small  presses may accept query letters, but you must do your research.

I found two main sources for literary agents . . . the 2011 Guide to Literary Agents by Writers Digest (20th Anniversary Edition) and the 2011 Writers Market (90th Annual Edition).  Armed with a strip of stick-on page markers, one of these references could keep you busy until your next birthday.
 
Genres are listed in the back of the book.  Mine are Memoir, Military, Creative-Nonfiction & Christian.  The literary agencies in your genres will list their requirements.  Mark the ones that show promise.  Next . . . go to their website for more detailed information.  Does your work still fit within their guidelines?  If so, highlight the specific agent handling your genre . . . then start your list of Submissions.

A query letter can be sent to as many agents and publishers as you desire.  I normally work with two to three at one time.  Each query letter is personalized, then noted on a Submission Ledger . . . which lists the date sent, agent/agency/publisher, comments and the date returned.

Queries that are concise and compelling are the most intriguing. 
                                  - Regina Brooks, founder, Serendipity Literary Agency
An Agent:

• Gets 15% of whatever you get
• Monies go directly to your agent, they send the balance to you
• Sells an idea and your ability to write
• Handles paperwork for the IRS
• Do not pay an agent for anything - including a reading fee

I started to submit query letters the middle of November 2010.  Some wanted a SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope), while others stated "email only."  An interesting experience!  I checked my emails constantly, as I nervously waited for the mailman.  I was out of control.  But I'm getting better.

Polite rejections are status quo for queries mailed . . . most are form letters.  One was handwritten . . . Not for me, but thank you.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  And of all the emails . . . only one replied!  Possibly the fastest rejection in history!  Sent at 5:01 p.m., the rejection arrived at 5:50 p.m., but it was polite.  I guess it's a lot easier to hit the delete key, then take a minute to say, "No Thank You."

My plan has been to give the "traditional way" one year . . . then consider self-publishing.  In this round, small publishers will be my target with some agents sprinkled throughout.  I'll never know unless I try!

Death leaves a memory that no one can heal, love leaves a memory that no one can steal.                 Anonymous

The demons of war continue to rage out of control.  Throughout the world brave men and women are engulfed in fear, death and destruction as they pray for strength and protection  Others long for the way it use to be, knowing it will never be again.

We must never forget the price these brave men and women are paying for their country . . .

My story is only one of millions.  A family shattered by the horrors of war dwelling in the man I loved with no understanding of what was happening.  Caught in a maze, I couldn't find my way out.  I want to touch others who know this heartache.  They're not alone.

I have a vision to find someone who knew my husband.  Someone willing to share what happened in Vietnam.  Someone who can give me a reason why.  And how do I find this person?  One day I will post the return address information off of letters received from Vietnam . . . letters yellow and faded by the hands of time.    

Lesson learned . . . my two cents

Each new day is a gift . . . cherish it . . . for this day will never come again.