PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / First Radio Interview

I have seen the names of those I know, and, yes, I have cried. My problem is I don't know the names of those I tried to help only to have them die in my arms. In my sleep, I hear their cries and see their faces... Attached to this letter are my service medals. I don't need them to show I was there. I have your faces in my sleep.        ~ Letter left at the Wall

January 1, 2015 ...
Barefoot, I follow the water's edge looking for a glint of sea glass. Maybe today. Lost in the thundering surf, I'm at peace as white-winged seagulls freckle the face of the sun. Icy foam encircles my ankles, then quickly slips back into the sea on its endless journey to nowhere.

Point Dume quiets my many thoughts.

My New Years Day ritual. A perfect place to begin again. The crisp breeze carries a fragrance like no other. Like salty water, or is it tears? The crashing surf calls with a voice from the deep. And if you listen closely ... it will speak to you.

Later, I sit on the sand with my journal and talk with God, sharing my hopes and visions for the new year. He knows my heart. And I know His. I ask for guidance. I ask Him to put the people on my path He wants me to meet. I NEVER know who will appear.

Be careful of what you ask for. His thoughts are BIGGER than ours.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.    
      ~ Matt. 7:7

Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, my memoir, took sixteen years to write. But not by choice. I resisted for 3 years. The push became a shove. An intense task for a beginner. Yet I knew others shared my story. If only I could give them HOPE ...

This book shows innocent love unblemished with hope and promise, unaware of the imminent demons vowing destruction. For eighteen years, my husband, the love of my live, fought the demons that rode his back home from Vietnam. They vowed destruction, yet Jekyll and Hyde broke my heart. A story of love made strong and raw truth revealed. PTSD is a silent parasite that not only invades our veterans ... but also the ones they love.

I can give you HOPE ... if you give me a chance. 

When the world says "give up," hope whispers, "try one more time."  
~ Author Unknown

Today, literary agents want submissions sent via email. I queried Diary of a Vet's Wife for one full year after completion in 2011. The rare rejections I received were polite ... most were simply deleted. No agent was willing to touch the subject. 

Where do I go from here?

BLOG OF A VET'S WIFE went live April 2011. Traffic showed STUNNING interest throughout the world. As a closet writer for all those years, I never anticipated this response. Yet there they were ... 76 different countries to date.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder continues to grow like mold as war continues to cover our tiny blue planet hung in the middle of the universe. Possibly hundreds of thousands of families are living with PTSD at this moment. Men and women who love their warriors and bravely grieve, knowing life will never be the same.

How does one CARE when one doesn't know?  Does one DARE TO FEEL the heartbreak of these families who could one day be theirs? Can ONE STORY touch the heart of a nation, or the world?

"Courage is simply not one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of the highest reality. "   ~ CS Lewis

February 6 - I was approached by a friend after church. One of her speakers for a Retreat had cancelled. She asked if I would consider sharing my story in her place on the 28th. I had put my heart on paper, but to say it out loud in front of one hundred women ... I hesitated. Was it my PTSD? She asked me to pray on it. I did and was dutifully pushed to accept. My fear of public speaking shot through the roof.

February 28 - Fear persisted. But I knew I must do this. The fourth of seven speakers, I had never talked into a microphone. Yet here I was. Suddenly, under a stark white spotlight, it was like someone else was talking through me. My story was openly received. Many came up to speak with me. One bubbly woman said her husband worked with a local radio station, KKLA, and she was sure they would want my story. She gave me a number to call. But for many reasons we never connected.

March 21 - My friend, Sandy, invited me to visit a different church. Frank Sontag was to be the speaker. The same man I was trying be introduced to! He hosts his own show on 99.5 KKLA six days a week from 4-6pm ... the largest Christian station in L.A.
I don't believe in coincidence!

March 22 - We arrived at church early and I was able to speak briefly with Frank before the service. He knew of me through our mutual friend. I offered him a copy of my book for review, which he took on the spot.

March 23 - The NEXT DAY an email arrived from KKLA asking what days would be convenient for me to share my story on their show! That was FAST! A few emails later, a day and time were set. After all these years ... it was REALLY happening!

Could I even do this? I was a wreck. At church, I was allowed to read my 20 minute testimony. On the radio ... it's an open mic conversation for an HOUR!

April 6th - My friend, Pauline, offered to chauffeur me to the KKLA studio in Glendale for the 4pm segment. Traffic was HORRIFIC. I was happy she was driving. We arrived in enough time for a picnic lunch in a lovely little park nearby ... sunshine, sushi and home made cookies. Yummm.

At the Salem Media building, a smiling gentleman approached with an outstretched hand and invited us into his office. Terry Keyes, the station manager, wanted to talk a bit before I went on air. His relaxed manner instantly put me at ease.

Soon we were handed badges to hang around our necks, then escorted into the studio where Frank Sontag waited.

It was dreamlike ...

Frank sat behind a large half-moon desk. Four microphones permanently mounted along the outside edge. A chair by each. His smiling eyes welcomed me. I couldn't hide my nervousness. He graciously assured me everything would be fine. We talked briefly, then he prayed.

I watched as he put on his headset, then welcome his audience like I'd heard him do on the radio at home and in my car. Then he introduced ME as his GUEST and the AUTHOR of Diary of a Vet's Wife ... it was SURREAL. My jitters were fading, but my mouth wouldn't form the words I wanted to say. Frank continued to smile and nod his head in approval.

I remember sitting there, but I don't remember talking. Strange. If it wasn't for the fact they TAPED the show, I'd think it never happened. My one hour interview actually stretched into the second segment. An extraordinary experience I will NEVER forget. Frank Sontag is the KINDEST and most GRACIOUS man I have ever met. He helped me relax as he guided me through my first interview. I shall forever be thankful for this opportunity to share my story and my passion.

To hear MY INTERVIEW - BLOOPERS and all - google The Frank Sontag Show Podcasts. The interview was April 6th (2015-4-06) - Show Hour 1 and Show Hour 2.

And thank YOU for continuing to follow my blog. Blessings to each of you and your family.

"We honor the courageous service of America's 2.8 million Vietnam Veterans - especially the 58,226 men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in serving their country for the enduring cause of freedom."  ~ The Wall Within

NO WAY TO REACH YOU

Geri ... If you're the woman who sent me a poem your husband wrote, please contact me at onhrway@earthlink.net. I'm anxious to talk with you. Blessings.

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / Updated Cheat Sheet for Vets and Writers

 

Blog of a Vet's Wife portrays the detailed journey of publishing my first book, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the CHALLENGES and LESSONS learned, while pinpointing PTSD and how this disorder is ravaging our men and women returning from war in epidemic proportions.  My main MISSION is to EDUCATE mankind on PTSD and its effect on families and our nation as a whole.

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.            ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The HOLIDAYS have moved in with all their baggage like unexpected house guests who plan to stay a while. With cluttered days and endless commitments, I barely noticed until they jumped off the calendar and splashed into my coffee. Where did this year go??

Tomorrow I fly to Chicago to spend Thanksgiving with my sons and their families. I DREAD flying in the WINTER and I HATE being COLD, but this will be the FIRST time we've been together for Thanksgiving since they were little. One of the hardships of modern-day living in different states and countries. My daughter will be missing, but Australia is too far. She'll be in our hearts and thoughts.

My cup over-flows with BLESSINGS. I have so much to be thankful for. As a writer, I hope to capture each moment to save for a rainy day when I can pull them up at random and savor every smile and the laughter once again.

Please remember to GIVE THANKS for our brave WARRIORS who will not be spending Thanksgiving with their families and loved ones.  Their absence is painful but their dedication and SELFLESSNESS is what makes our country strong. Pray for their safety this holiday and that one day soon these wars will end so they can return home to the loving arms waiting for them. 

With time running short, I wanted to post a BLOG before my flight. I decided to update my CHEAT SHEET. It's been two years since my last revision. I know I have many new readers who might be looking for a specific topic. This BLOG concentrates on my exposure to PTSD through my husbands journey, what happened and what I learned.  It also shows how I came to write this book and each step into publishing ... DETAILED.

The list may seem daunting but the descriptions are brief. The dates coincide with those on the right side of the blog.

HAVE A BLESSED THANKSGIVING AND RELISH EVERY MORSEL ...

MY UNCHARTED JOURNEY INTO PUBLISHING . . . UPDATED CHEAT SHEET!

Below is a list of my blogs for those who might be looking for a specific topic: 
     1.  In The Beginning                                                                April 13,  2011
          How my book came to be . . .

     2.  This Closet Writer . . . Goes Public                                  April 16
           My first writing class - posting my blog

     3.  I Never Planned to be a Writer!                                       April 23
          Blogging - my writing class - my free-lance editor   

     4.  Publicize Your Book . . .                                                    May 1
          Publicizing - blogging - writing class - book query
    
     5.  Write Your Heart Out . . .                                                 May 7
          Blogging - why I wrote my book - book proposal excerpt

     6. Q is for Query Letter . . .                                                    May 15
          Posted my original query letter

     7.  B is for Book Proposal . . . Part One                                May 21
          Elements of a book proposal - my proposal table of contents
    
     8.  B is for Book Proposal . . . Part Two                                June 12
          More elements of a book proposal
    
     9.  What Next? . . . Time for an Agent                                  June 19
          Some basic agent information
   
    10.  Marketing in an Electronic World . . .                            June 26
           First steps to marketing my book  
   
    11.  Will Self-Publishing be My Only Option?                      July 3
           Posted excerpt from Chapter One of my book    

    12.  A Platform . . . Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone    July 11
           Start to develop a platform for my book
   
    13.  The Marketing Medusa . . .                                              July 28
           JK Rowling's success - more marketing
   
    14.  2011 Agents . . . What Do They Really Want?              August 7
           Identify agent's most asked for requirements
   
    15.  What is a Synopsis and Why? . . . Part One                  August 27
           Details to begin synopsis process
   
    16.  One Writer's Journey into Publishing Cheat Sheet     September 4
           Lists previous blogs and subject matter

    17.  What is a Synopsis and Why? . . . Part Two                 September 11
           What to include in a synopsis

    18.  Ebooks . . . A Contemporary "David and Goliath"     September 19
           Show why authors are choosing to self-publish
   
    19.  The #1 Question: Who is Your Audience? . . . plus Excerpt
            Importance of locating your specific audience                September 26
   
    20.  "The Moving Wall" . . . An Experience I Will Never Forget!
             An emotional visit that squeezed my heart                     October 3

    21.  Traditional Publish or Self-Publish . . . My Decision plus Excerpt
            What direction I chose and why                                       October 10
   
    22.  Public Speaking 101 . . . Fight or Flight?                               
           Terror and my first class . . .                                              October 17

    23.  My First Speech . . . plus Revised Cheat Sheet into Publishing
            First speech panic plus . . .                                               October 24

    24.  Africa's Beauty Being Strangled / One Person Making a Difference
            Unique story about Africa                                                November 23

    25.  Has PTSD Touched You? / Chapter 26 Excerpt . . .
           What is PTSD?                                                                  December 3

    26.  Our Soldiers are returning / Write Your Heart Out
           Warriors from Iraq and reality                                           December 14

    27.  Ghost of Christmas Past / Chapter 15 Excerpt
            Memories of Christmas                                                     December 24

    28.  The Self-Publishing Jitters of a Perfectionist
           Trials of self-publishing                                                    January 7, 2012

    29.   Wounded Warriors Walk Among Us / Chapter 24
             Reality and PTSD symptoms                                           February 8

    30.  Self-Publishing Nitty-Gritty / Copyright / Excerpt
           Copyrighting and song lyrics                                             February 19

    31.  PTSD / Can One Woman and Her Book Make a Difference?
           How my story helps our warriors with PTSD                    March 12

    32.  Self-Publishing / PTSD - A Passage of Passion
           Print-on-demand - song lyric trials                                      April 6

    33.  PTSD / Vet's Wife Self-Publishing / Chapter 33 Excerpt
           Formatting anguish                                                              June 13

    34.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / Sneak Peek at the Cover
            The dawning of my book cover                                          July 16

    35.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / Where's the Book??
           Reveal my self-publisher and perfect cover                        November 6

    36.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife Appeared on My Doorstep!
           Seeing my book for the first time                                      December 6

    37.  Diary of a Vet's Wife Reveals PTSD / Marketing / Reviews
           Suicide increase and my marketing plan                           February 18, 2013

    38.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / The Truth and Vulnerability
           What you should know about PTSD                                  April 13

    39.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife and Memorial Day Memories
            My first encounter with the Moving Wall                         May 27

    40.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife goes to The White House
           How my book got to the White House                               July 4

    41.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife and Michelle Obama
           A surprise from Washington                                              October 6

    42.  PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / Bittersweet is November
           Veterans Day meaning and memories                             November 10

Did you find something of interest for your own Journey?

   
           
           
 

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife and Memorial Day Memories

War has gone on since the beginning of man's creation. And will continue until the end of time. This necessary evil brings death and pain not only to its victims, but also to the warriors and their loved ones covering our small planet. It's not the way we'd like it to be - it is the way it is.         ~ Nancy MacMillan, author

Diligently, I queried agents for a twelve-month period before I made the decision to self-publish my memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To my disappointment most agents failed to reply, yet the rejections I did receive were polite and encouraging. Honestly, it seemed to me - no one was willing to touch the subject matter.

Was it too real?

 Memorial Day began in 1868 to honor all the military personnel who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country and freedom. These brave warriors rest in peace not only on American soil, but approximately 125,000 are buried on foreign soil. American Battle Monument Cemeteries are located throughout the world (Belgium, France, Nova Scotia, England, Libya, Russia, Spain, Denmark, the Netherlands, Mexico and Australia). 

The Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, D.C. is one of 146 National Cemeteries in the United States. It covers 624 acres where 267,000 flags fly in memory of each of these brave warriors on Memorial day.

Our country is split by war. Each of us longs to live in peace and harmony, but how can this be attained without welcoming terror to our shores with open arms? There is no easy answer.

For me, this holiday unlocks memories and the trauma of war that daunted my warrior and our family for too many years. Skeletons of battle dancing in the hallways with no way to exorcise them. 

Though wars still fester for power, I'm encouraged by the awareness and hope in growing numbers worldwide, and their passion and concern for peoples of all nations. Women and children are the most vulnerable. 

The war I lived through is behind me, but sadly thousands have stepped into my shoes. Where we differ? They're blessed to have what I never had - someone to reach out to who understands. Many dedicated organizations now exist, while new groups are surfacing nationwide, committed people who truly love and care for our warriors who gave so much, and their families. Selfless men and women are waiting for the phone call. 

My heartfelt cry to those who are struggling - "Please seek help immediately. Love and understanding are waiting, but you must take the first step."  (Contact information in previous blog)

 A love for tradition has never weakened a nation indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril. ” ― Winston Churchill

The post below is from October 3, 2011 - I felt it appropriate, if you're inclined to read on . . .

"The Moving Wall" - An Experience I Will Never Forget!

On Thursday, September 29, 2011, I had the priviledge of being in Santa Barbara attending my writing class on the same day "The Moving Wall" arrived at Chase Palm Park. Was this a coincidence?

Members of the Vietnam Veterans of America, Chapter 218 of Santa Barbara, proudly honored the service and sacrifice of the 11 million men and women who served during the Vietnam War by bringing "The Moving Wall" to their fair city.

"When the soldiers came home from Vietnam, there were no parades, no celebrations.  So they built the Vietnam Memorial for themselves."         - General Wm. C. Westmoreland 

"The Moving Wall" is a replica of the original memorial on permanent display in Washington DC, where carved in granite are 58,226 names of brave Americans honored and remembered forever. We honor the courageous service of America's 2.8 million Vietnam Veterans - especially the 58,226 men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in serving their country for the enduring cause of freedom.

I pulled into the parking lot, took a ticket from the meter and found an empty parking space closest to the Memorial, though I still had a distance to walk. I sat in the car lost in thought. Questions filled my head. This was the closest I've come to "it" since the day I buried my husband's ashes in Houston National Cemetery, after which they folded his flag and presented it to me.  Could I do this with grace and dignity like Jacqueline Kennedy, or would I melt into a blubbering puddle?

I followed a sidewalk to the street and headed toward the monument. A photographer toting a heavy camera passed by. Towering palms scattered the patchy green grass. The sight of The Wall off in the distance, the sky and the ocean it's backdrop, enfolded me like a loving grandparent I'd never met. I felt timid, yet I knew I belonged . . .

They walk as if on hallowed ground. They touch the stone. They speak with the dead. They come to mourn and to remember, memory mixing with grief, making an old ritual new, creating in this time another timeless moment.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

In the distance, the long narrow black wall appeared to rise out of the ground where people stood like toy soldiers set in groups of two or three. Flags of many countries rose high against the hazy afternoon sky, furling in unison. A large khaki tent stood guard off to the right. As I drew near, the black panels began to reveal meticulous white lettering. Snapping flags overhead muffled the soft murmurs of family members, some clutching framed  photographs to their chest, as they stood solemnly talking with counselors near The Wall.

It was surreal . . . until it hit me.

The avalanche of names washed over me. Dear God, so many names. Too many names. Each called from the wall. I could hardly breathe. 58,226 names including 8 women. The Vietnam war. They all died in battle. This was all that was left of these warriors who were part of us, never again to feel the sun on their faces, or taste the salty air from an ocean breeze.

A train echoed from afar. A lean-muscled man riding a bicycle pulled up. His fluorescent green jacket and trimmed white beard reflect off the shiny black wall like a mirror. He straddled the bike as his eyes eagerly searched the names. One woman wandered a distance from the wall. Maybe fearful as I was to get too close. Afraid of being swallowed alive by the reality before us.

The Wall elicits a physical response. It has inspired visitors to represent their own grief, loss, rage, and despair. Contributing their private representations to public space they cross a boundary between the private and the public, the nation and the citizen, powerfully claiming the memorial as their own.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

The Vietnam war. So many names. So many died in battle. Yet many more returned home wounded to the core still fighting the battle. Their never-ending battle. Day and night the mortars still blaze, the screams, the cries still echo in the din. These returning soldiers who found themselves shunned and abandoned by a great many civilians who were not able to separate the war from the warrior.

As a writer, how can I not say what I feel? How my heart still aches for my husband . . . and all the names on this wall. It aches for all the people who loved and cherished the people who were these names, and feel the pain they still bare. I reached out and touched one name . . . Leon B Smith II in raised white letters. My heart hurt. Then I noticed a sign that read, "Do Not Touch the Wall."

I spent a large part of the afternoon sitting on the grass, a distance from the wall, journaling, taking pictures and thinking. How can these families heal? I wrote a book which allowed me to put my heart on paper. I may have found healing . . . but I can never forget.

Occasionally, I'd wander up to the wall and walk its length looking at the volumes of names which loving parents carefully chose for their precious newborn as they envisioned the bright future their baby would grow into.

And never dreaming the name they chose would one day stand as part of the history of our country.

Lesson Learned . . . or my two cents

The human heart can be shattered in a million pieces . . . yet you still must go on living.

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / The Truth and Vulnerability

“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.”       ― Ian McEwan 
 

My memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, has reached the far corners of our planet in search of readers living in the wake of PTSD. I invite others with compassion for our warriors, to learn what too many veterans contend with after they return from combat. Each family may cope with something different, yet we belong to each other. I can only show what happened to me and my family.
 

Telling the truth has opened wounds I cannot heal. I can only say, "I'm sorry." Had I not put my story on paper, I was sure it would have eaten me alive from the inside out. I have made myself vulnerable so others might learn and to give them hope.

It takes two to speak the truth one to speak, and another to hear. ~ Henry David Thoreau

The past months have vanished like a breath in the wind as I plow through books and websites of  MARKETING ideas. Each morning I face my opponent boldly as it winks and taunts me with a beckoning finger, enticing me into yet another maze of information to be digested. It can be overwhelming, but I know this too shall pass.

Regretfully, I've had little time lately for writing and creating, so I decided to post a blog from earlier last year that you may not have seen:

Wounded Warriors Walk Among Us     (February 2, 2012)

"After wars' end, soldiers once again become civilians and return to their families to try to pick up where they left off.  It is this process of readjustment that has, more often than not, been ignored by society." -- Major Robert H. Stretch, Ph.D in Textbook of Military Medicine: Vol. 6 Combat Stress

Recently, we witnessed our troops returning home from Iraq. It was the biggest U.S. withdrawal since WWII with another 33,000 troops due home from Afghanistan this year. Certainly GREAT NEWS for families praying for their safe return.  

Major television stations throughout the country broadcast the "Homecoming" of these brave man and women reuniting with loved ones after a long fierce war. Spellbound voyeurs, we shared in the first crushing embraces and unashamed tears, while young children were swooped up in happiness and held high overhead. We grinned as bright-eyed babies warily met their fathers for the first time.

But all parties come to an end. The time comes for our veterans to return home and emotionally detach from the war they left behind thousands of miles across the sea. Everyone wants to believe they can STEP BACK into the lives they left behind - but it hurts me to say, it doesn't work that way. 

Battle has changed each of them. Some physically, all mentally. It's this knowledge that burdens my heart. I've been there - I know what clings to the shadows.

When news came to Walt Whitman that his brother George had been wounded at Fredericksburg during the Civil War, Whitman rushed south to find him. Though his brother's injury was slight, Whitman was deeply affected by his first view of the war's casualties. He began visiting the camp's wounded and, almost by accident, found his calling for the duration of the war. Three years later, he emerged as the war's "most unlikely hero," a living symbol of American democratic ideals of sharing and brotherhood.    

                     - The Better Angel, by acclaimed biographer Roy Morris, Jr.

Last week on MSNBC, I saw that St Louis was the first city in our country to have a parade for their returning warriors from Iraq. I was moved by the heart of this city because they understood what should be done to HONOR our veterans and help the HEALING begin  . . . and they did it!   

  

Why hasn't this happened all over the country? These brave men and women deserve our loyalty and respect along with our ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the SACRIFICES they endured for us. We sit home safe and secure enjoying the peace we take for granted, while these men and women fight and die for our country in another land far away. I don't understand .
    

  

I feel the need to share my thoughts because I lived with a Vietnam veteran who suffered with PTSD for 16 years. He was the love of my life, but at that time there was no help. Today, resources are at our fingertips through the wonder of the Internet. Although they are still not enough to meet all the needs of our veterans it's a start. 

One reason I wrote my story, Diary of a Vet's Wife, was to show our country what was happening right under their noses, and to give support to those families now living the nightmare. This CRISIS is real. The war does not stop when our troops withdraw from combat. It follows them home like a big black dog.

My memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, shows the devastating side effects of war on one family, yet I know there are mega-thousands throughout the world living this nightmare as I once did.  How can we STOP it?

The signs of post traumatic stress disorder MAY start out subtle. Many refuse to admit anything is wrong.

What You Need to Know

• Traumas happen to many competent, healthy, strong, good people.
• Many people have long-lasting problems following exposure to trauma.
• People who react to traumas are not going crazy.
• Having symptoms after a traumatic event is not a sign of personal weakness.
• When a person understands trauma symptoms better, he or she become less fearful and are better able to manage them.

PTSD Symptoms/Signs generally fall into 3 main categories: 

    

     Intrusive - Re-experiencing traumatic events                                                

• Distressing recollections
• Flashbacks
• Nightmares
• Feeling anxious or fearful

     Avoidant - Drawing inward or becoming emotionally numb

• Extensive and active avoidance
• Loss of interest
• Feeling detached from others
• Restricting your emotions
• Trouble remembering
• Shutting down
• Feeling strange
• Not feeling pain or other sensations

     Hyper-arousal - Increased physical or emotional arousal

• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly
• An exaggerated startle response
• Being overly angry or aggressive
• Panic attacks

     Triggers can include the following:

• Specific scenes
• Movement
• TV
• Sound or smell
• Reading
• Touch
• Situational

If you or a loved one seems overwhelmed by PTSD symptoms, please remember, there are many resources available to you. If you need immediate help, PLEASE GET IT NOW! PTSD does not go away on it's own . . . and will only get worse left unattended. 

Below I've listed the number of The Veterans Crisis Line. Please check out Veterans Crisis Line.net, even if you don't think you need it now. Get familiar with the resources available, and save this information for easy access.  Please call . . .


The Veterans Crisis Line is a U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs resource that connects Veterans in crisis and their families with qualified, caring VA professionals through a confidential toll-free hotline and on-line chat.

Download the Veterans Crisis Line logos and other graphics to display on your website or materials to show support for our Nation's Veterans and help them get the care they deserve.

The new VA suicide prevention hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), recently reported that it's received more than 55,000 calls, averaging 120 per day, with about 22,000 callers saying they were veterans.

(Excerpts taken from retired website: PTSD Combat: Winning the War Within)

 Lesson Learned . . . My two cents

"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it in full."    - Marcel Proust

Thank you for stopping. If you're unable to post a comment here, you can email me at:  onhrway@earthlink.net.

"Diary of a Vet's Wife" reveals PTSD / Marketing / Reviewers

On December 5, 2012, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, left the protection of my heart and stepped boldly out into the world. I am the woman who lived this life, but I know there are thousands throughout the world who know the love, heartbreak and fear I share on the pages of my memoir.     

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tunes without words, and never stops at all. -Emily Dickinson 

I flew to AUSTRALIA three days after my book came out where I wandered the crusty shores of this beautiful country. A shoreline dappled with porous coves, vanishing rock pools and jagged slabs of rock that only nature could construct. Its powerful dashing crashing surf could seduce any CALIFORNIA girl with a wink. A dream-like Christmas holiday with my daughter and her family, a rare and loving gift.

I had planned to detail the breathtaking landscape, the gentleness of its people and a petting zoo hopping with baby KANGAROOS. Tales of its hungry wind and calf-burning hills, an enchanted white butterfly, and my first taste of PAVLOVA drenched in PASSIONFRUIT. 

But when I turned on my computer, MSNBC opened with a major headline: The enemy within: Soldier suicides outpaced combat deaths in 2012!  Reality yanked me back by the hair.

Our brave men and women who go where they're told to fight the battles they're handed are giving up! They are OUR NATIONS BACKBONE and we MUST stand beside them!

Sometimes reality is too complex. Stories give it form.   - Jean Luc Godard

The following week another MSNBC article, "Like an airborne disease," was startling. It told of the increase in family members taking their own lives. I immediately emailed the NBC news correspondent who wrote the article to briefly relate my own dance with the demons, my book and my passion to reach others with HOPE. He replied in NINE MINUTES! I was shocked! 

Other articles he wrote showed the COMPASSION he shares for our warriors and their families. He also sent me the names of two top RESOURCES to start my quest, plus the following excerpt from his email:

Sorry to say, I don't think we would do anything specifically on your book. But when we revisit this topic - whether it would be about PTSD or suicide - I can use you as a source and include the title of your book. I have a couple of upcoming stories where your thoughts and experiences may fit in well. 

A note to all writers: Go with your INSTINCT! Turn over every rock on your path because you never know what treasure lies beneath - when it comes to MARKETING your work.

 The next phase of my journey - MARKETING 911 . . .

On June 26, 2011, I posted a blog entitled Marketing in an Electronic World . . . My First Steps.

• create a blog
• construct a MARKETING PLAN
• join a Writers Group Online

On July 28, 2011, I posted, The Marketing Medusa . . . Don't Let it Overwhelm You!

• qualities needed to successfully market your book
• locating your target audience and others for your work

Reference above posts . . .  

Since my return from Australia, the main focus has been Reviews/Reviewers. I had ordered 25 books before I left. They were waiting like happy puppies. The  more you order the better the discount. The first copies are being sent to friends and family I ACKNOWLEDGE in my memoir. Pets for Vets was also on that list. A few organizations are still waiting for their copies. If only there were more hours in a day.  

Self-publishers have the INTERNET at their fingertips like a giant fortune teller with insomnia, its catacombs pulsating with answers as it waits for a question to be asked.

Multiple lists of Reviewers are available on the internet. Research to highlight those who read your genre and  verify they are accepting new books. ALWAYS contact a reviewer before you send your book. It could take 3-6 months to be reviewed. 

I'd like to invite any reviewer or book club interested in my memoir to contact me at diaryofavetswife@hotmail.com where we can discuss your request. This email address is on the back of my book for any reader or organization wanting to talk or share.

"Determine your "official publication date" (OPD) and make sure it's 90-120+ days after your "bound book date" (BBD), the date you have printed books in your hands. Use this period to get your book into the hands of key industry reviewers and to start building your book buzz.

For NICHE BOOKS - Keep beefing up your "final book" review copy list by hunting up websites that deal with your subject Area. Shoot for initial list of 200-300 and grow from there. Create a system for keeping track of your contacts."
                                                                      - Well-Fed Self-Publisher by Peter Bowerman

I'm overwhelmed by the reviews coming in. All seem touched with new insight as to what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder really is. Their kind words and encouragement continue to push me beyond my comfort zone. I can never thank you enough, for myself and all the others, who have met the demons I encountered and conquered!   

Food for thought . . . my two cents

I would greatly appreciate your reviews on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. It need not be long, but may coax someone else dealing with this issue to reach out for comfort in knowing they're not alone. My heartfelt thanks, if you're so led.   

As one reader wrote: 

Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a story the American public may not want, but needs to hear. Especially now that there is a promised date to the Afghanistan presence of U.S. and troops of other nations, which will lead to large numbers of newly returned men and women who have experienced this certain form of hell.                                   Review by Jack Smith, writer and author

Has PTSD Touched You? / Chapter 26 Excerpt . . .

Once I was brave enough to tell my story, actually said the words aloud, I realized how many others had been touched by this disabling illness.  I was shocked!  Almost everyone knew someone, whether directly related, a close friend, a neighbor, someone from church, a friend of a friend . . . almost everyone!

“Mental illness is so much more complicated than any pill that any mortal could invent ” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

I lived with this nightmare for 15 years.  Then it had no name and there was no help.  The longer you live with post-traumatic stress disorder, the deeper you become entrenched with no escape . . . no reasonable escape.  You can't hide in a closet or pull the covers over your head.  You learn to live with it, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, never knowing from one minute to the next, what's lurking around the corner.

In Diary of a Vet's Wife, my memoir, the man I love battles his demons alone, in the only way he knows how, unwilling to admit he's in trouble and refusing to let me in.  I'm not strong enough to fight him, I can only stand in the shifting shadows and watch . . . and be there for him when he needs me. 

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit
- Peter Ustinov

What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD?

It's natural to be afraid when you're in danger.  It's natural to be upset when something bad happens to you or someone else you know.  But if you feel afraid and upset weeks or months later, it's time to talk with your doctor . . . you might have post-traumatic stress disorder.

PTSD is a real illness. You can get PTSD after living through through or seeing a dangerous event, such as war, a hurricane, or bad accident. PTSD makes you feel stressed and afraid after the danger is over. It affects your life and the people around you.

PTSD can happen to anyone at any age. Children get PTSD too.

You don't have to be physically hurt to get PTSD. You can get it after you see other people get hurt, such as a friend or family member.

What causes PTSD?

Living through or seeing something that's unsettling and dangerous can cause PTSD. This can include:

• War or combat
• Being a victim of or seeing violence
• The death or serious illness of a loved one
• Car accidents and plane crashes
• Hurricanes, tornadoes, and fires
• Violent crimes, like a robbery or shooting.
• Plus many other things

Related diseases and conditions:

• Stress occurs when forces from the outside world impinge on the individual. Stress is a normal part of life. However, over-stress now points to being involved in various diseases and conditions.
• Depression is an illness that involves the body, mood and thoughts, and affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things
• Alcoholism is a disease that includes alcohol craving, and continued drinking despite alchol related problems, such as losing a job or getting into trouble with the law.
• Suicide is the process of intentionally ending one's own life. Approximately 1 million people worldwide commit suicide each year, and 10 million to 20 million attempt suicide annually.
• Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is a mental illness in which a person has at least two distinct personalities. Symptoms and signs include lapses in memory, feeling unreal, blackouts in time, and hearing voices in their heads that are not their own.
• Drug Addiction is a chronic disease that causes drug-seeking behavior despite consequences to the user and those around them.
• Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness characterized by prevasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image and behavior. This instability disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individuals sense of self-identity.
• Insomnia is the difficulty in falling to sleep, waking frequently during the night, or waking too early in the morning.
• Sleepwalking is a condition in which an individual walks or does other activities while asleep. Conditions that have similar symptoms are night terrors, confusional arousals and nocturnal seizures.
• Nightmares are dreams that cause high anxiety or terror. They occur during rapid eye movement (RIM) sleep when related to post traumatic stress disorder.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Spring 1976 - Giving in too easily

     The torrential winter rains with their raging rivers of mud had all but dried up, leaving a path of destruction in their wake.  The newness of spring brought proof that life goes on.  Our new house was finally under construction but far behind schedule.

     "Feel like riding out to see the house?" Lorne asked, standing in the kitchen, his hands deep in his pockets.  "It's a gorgeous day.  I think it would do us both good."

     He had strolled in long after midnight and knew he was in the doghouse.

     "Sure . . . I guess," I said, staring out the window as I rinsed the breakfast dishes.  "Give me a couple of minutes to change and situate the children."

     The Sunday morning traffic was light.  The brittle breeze engulfed us on the bike, stinging my cheeks and numbing my fingers.  I perched behind Lorne and clung to him.  The warmth of his familiar body melted my anger and soothed my soul.  For a while, I felt safe and secure.

     The naked wood frame of the house looked lonely against the clear blue sky, like a barren tree in winter.  Lorne got off the bike and turned to face me.  Putting his hands on his knees, he leaned down to look squarely into my face, smiling warily.

     I always gave in too easily . . . I turned my head, but he took my hand and pulled me towards him and off the bike.

    "I got the message," Lorne admitted.  "You're still mad about last night."

     "I'm able to get off by myself, you know," I said, resisting his pull like a dog going to the vet.

     Lorne ignored my stubbornness and led me into the house.  Stepping over a maze of wall braces protruding from the floor, we surveyed the layout.  Lorne ducked under a crossbeam and headed  over to check out the plumbing.  I stroked the fresh new wood, trying to imagine living here.  As I looked around, I could only hope our new home would be the answer to Lorne's problems.  Only time would tell.

     Construction was finally moving forward and it should be time to celebrate, but the joy and laughter were missing.  I worried about Lorne.  Just the other day, he told me he was having problems at work.  And this was not the first time.

     Lorne was a brilliant man.  He had the mental capacity to calculate complex mathematical formulas in his head at the snap of a finger, yet feelings of insecurity gnawed at his self-esteem like terminal cancer, leaving him suspicious and vulnerable.  He complained the people at work were out to get him, purposely conspiring to make his life hell.  He told me not to worry, he was dealing with it.  But I did worry.  Lorne had already changed jobs once since we were married, for similar reasons.

     Then there was a speeding ticket I only learned about.  To make matters worse, he was driving his company car.  Most of the time, Lorne kept problems to himself, and even though I begged, he chose not to involve me.  Entangled in his silence, I searched for a reason.  At the same time, I wrestled with my own feelings of lonliness and despair.

Lesson learned . . . my two cents

"This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted."    - C.S. Lewis