PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / Remembering

War has gone on since the beginning of man's creation. And will continue until the end of time. This necessary evil brings death and pain not only to its victims, but also to the warriors and their loved ones covering our small planet. It's not the way we'd like it to be - it is the way it is. 
~ Nancy MacMillan, author

On Memorial Day, we honor all the military personnel who gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country and freedom. These brave warriors rest in peace not only on American soil, but approximately 125,000 are buried on foreign soil.

Our country is split by war. Each of us longs to live in peace and harmony, but how can this be attained without welcoming terror to our shores with open arms? There is no easy answer.

Memorial Day still ignites an ember I thought had diminished with the years. Yet, memories from the past flood my mind. If I dare close my eyes, I see my husband's handsome face, the twinkle in his eye, and his crooked smile waiting for me as though he never left me behind.

The yearning to step back in time is powerful. If only I could relive just one day of happiness with him. That would be enough. But I'm lying to myself. I know I'd want more. Then reality, like my guardian angel, steps boldly between us with hands on her hips, shaking her head and I know this can never happen ... at least, not in this lifetime.

I share personal thoughts today that live in too many hearts. Yet how do we stop the insanity of war? I may never be whole again, but my life without my husband, the love of my life, is still worth living. He is the reason I now have a mission - Public Awareness of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To share with others who wonder, exactly what PTSD is all about. I have found peace and joy in this new journey I travel, since I found the Lover of my soul ... but there is still this longing like a familiar song, playing over and over in my head ...

The day I finally FACED reality was the day I went to visit "The Moving Wall." I know now, that up until then ... I had been living in a daydream.

"As for all I can tell, the only difference is that what many see we call a real thing, and what only one sees we call a dream."   ~ C.S. Lewis 

I had been writing "Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, my memoir, for many years. In doing so, I was still spending time with my husband, the high-highs and the low-lows, through my thousands of words. We were still connected. Most every day I would be at my computer by 4 A.M. with my morning coffee, and begin writing or rewriting until I had to get ready for work. For sixteen years, my husband was with me through every step of this process. My muse. Need I say more?

On September 29, 2011, I was attending a writing/publishing class in Santa Barbara the same day "The Moving Wall" arrived at Chase Palm Park. Was this a coincidence?

An excerpt from: "The Moving Wall" - An Experience I will Never Forget!" ... October 3, 2011

I followed a sidewalk to the street and headed toward the monument. A photographer toting a heavy camera passed by. Towering palms scattered the patchy green grass. The sight of The Wall off in the distance, the sky and the ocean it's backdrop, enfolded me like a loving grandparent I'd never met. I felt timid, yet I knew I belonged . . .

They walk as if on hallowed ground. They touch the stone. They speak with the dead. They come to mourn and to remember, memory mixing with grief, making an old ritual new, creating in this time another timeless moment.                  - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

In the distance, the long narrow black wall appeared to rise out of the ground where people stood like toy soldiers set in groups of two or three. Flags of many countries rose high against the hazy afternoon sky, furling in unison. A large khaki tent stood guard off to the right. As I drew near, the black panels began to reveal meticulous white lettering. Snapping flags overhead muffled the soft murmurs of family members, some clutching framed  photographs to their chest, as they stood solemnly talking with counselors near The Wall.

It was surreal . . . until it hit me.

The avalanche of names washed over me. Dear God, so many names. Too many names. Each called from the wall. I could hardly breathe. 58,226 names including 8 women. The Vietnam war. They all died in battle. This was all that was left of these warriors who were part of us, never again to feel the sun on their faces, or taste the salty air from an ocean breeze.

A train echoed from afar. A lean-muscled man riding a bicycle pulled up. His fluorescent green jacket and trimmed white beard reflect off the shiny black wall like a mirror. He straddled the bike as his eyes eagerly searched the names. One woman wandered a distance from the wall. Maybe fearful as I was to get too close. Afraid of being swallowed alive by the reality before us.

(This entire post is accessible in the sidebar of this blog under 2011).

“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.” 
        ― C.S. Lewis

Take time today to remember these brave men and women who gave their lives for our country. They deserve so much more. We have freedoms in America that many only dream about. These brave warriors stepped forward to fill the shoes of generations past who fought for these same rights. Let us honor them today, they were each someones child who had dreams of their own ... and please pray for PEACE in all nations.

                        What memories does Memorial Day bring back to you?

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / The Truth and Vulnerability

“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.”       ― Ian McEwan 
 

My memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, has reached the far corners of our planet in search of readers living in the wake of PTSD. I invite others with compassion for our warriors, to learn what too many veterans contend with after they return from combat. Each family may cope with something different, yet we belong to each other. I can only show what happened to me and my family.
 

Telling the truth has opened wounds I cannot heal. I can only say, "I'm sorry." Had I not put my story on paper, I was sure it would have eaten me alive from the inside out. I have made myself vulnerable so others might learn and to give them hope.

It takes two to speak the truth one to speak, and another to hear. ~ Henry David Thoreau

The past months have vanished like a breath in the wind as I plow through books and websites of  MARKETING ideas. Each morning I face my opponent boldly as it winks and taunts me with a beckoning finger, enticing me into yet another maze of information to be digested. It can be overwhelming, but I know this too shall pass.

Regretfully, I've had little time lately for writing and creating, so I decided to post a blog from earlier last year that you may not have seen:

Wounded Warriors Walk Among Us     (February 2, 2012)

"After wars' end, soldiers once again become civilians and return to their families to try to pick up where they left off.  It is this process of readjustment that has, more often than not, been ignored by society." -- Major Robert H. Stretch, Ph.D in Textbook of Military Medicine: Vol. 6 Combat Stress

Recently, we witnessed our troops returning home from Iraq. It was the biggest U.S. withdrawal since WWII with another 33,000 troops due home from Afghanistan this year. Certainly GREAT NEWS for families praying for their safe return.  

Major television stations throughout the country broadcast the "Homecoming" of these brave man and women reuniting with loved ones after a long fierce war. Spellbound voyeurs, we shared in the first crushing embraces and unashamed tears, while young children were swooped up in happiness and held high overhead. We grinned as bright-eyed babies warily met their fathers for the first time.

But all parties come to an end. The time comes for our veterans to return home and emotionally detach from the war they left behind thousands of miles across the sea. Everyone wants to believe they can STEP BACK into the lives they left behind - but it hurts me to say, it doesn't work that way. 

Battle has changed each of them. Some physically, all mentally. It's this knowledge that burdens my heart. I've been there - I know what clings to the shadows.

When news came to Walt Whitman that his brother George had been wounded at Fredericksburg during the Civil War, Whitman rushed south to find him. Though his brother's injury was slight, Whitman was deeply affected by his first view of the war's casualties. He began visiting the camp's wounded and, almost by accident, found his calling for the duration of the war. Three years later, he emerged as the war's "most unlikely hero," a living symbol of American democratic ideals of sharing and brotherhood.    

                     - The Better Angel, by acclaimed biographer Roy Morris, Jr.

Last week on MSNBC, I saw that St Louis was the first city in our country to have a parade for their returning warriors from Iraq. I was moved by the heart of this city because they understood what should be done to HONOR our veterans and help the HEALING begin  . . . and they did it!   

  

Why hasn't this happened all over the country? These brave men and women deserve our loyalty and respect along with our ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the SACRIFICES they endured for us. We sit home safe and secure enjoying the peace we take for granted, while these men and women fight and die for our country in another land far away. I don't understand .
    

  

I feel the need to share my thoughts because I lived with a Vietnam veteran who suffered with PTSD for 16 years. He was the love of my life, but at that time there was no help. Today, resources are at our fingertips through the wonder of the Internet. Although they are still not enough to meet all the needs of our veterans it's a start. 

One reason I wrote my story, Diary of a Vet's Wife, was to show our country what was happening right under their noses, and to give support to those families now living the nightmare. This CRISIS is real. The war does not stop when our troops withdraw from combat. It follows them home like a big black dog.

My memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, shows the devastating side effects of war on one family, yet I know there are mega-thousands throughout the world living this nightmare as I once did.  How can we STOP it?

The signs of post traumatic stress disorder MAY start out subtle. Many refuse to admit anything is wrong.

What You Need to Know

• Traumas happen to many competent, healthy, strong, good people.
• Many people have long-lasting problems following exposure to trauma.
• People who react to traumas are not going crazy.
• Having symptoms after a traumatic event is not a sign of personal weakness.
• When a person understands trauma symptoms better, he or she become less fearful and are better able to manage them.

PTSD Symptoms/Signs generally fall into 3 main categories: 

    

     Intrusive - Re-experiencing traumatic events                                                

• Distressing recollections
• Flashbacks
• Nightmares
• Feeling anxious or fearful

     Avoidant - Drawing inward or becoming emotionally numb

• Extensive and active avoidance
• Loss of interest
• Feeling detached from others
• Restricting your emotions
• Trouble remembering
• Shutting down
• Feeling strange
• Not feeling pain or other sensations

     Hyper-arousal - Increased physical or emotional arousal

• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly
• An exaggerated startle response
• Being overly angry or aggressive
• Panic attacks

     Triggers can include the following:

• Specific scenes
• Movement
• TV
• Sound or smell
• Reading
• Touch
• Situational

If you or a loved one seems overwhelmed by PTSD symptoms, please remember, there are many resources available to you. If you need immediate help, PLEASE GET IT NOW! PTSD does not go away on it's own . . . and will only get worse left unattended. 

Below I've listed the number of The Veterans Crisis Line. Please check out Veterans Crisis Line.net, even if you don't think you need it now. Get familiar with the resources available, and save this information for easy access.  Please call . . .


The Veterans Crisis Line is a U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs resource that connects Veterans in crisis and their families with qualified, caring VA professionals through a confidential toll-free hotline and on-line chat.

Download the Veterans Crisis Line logos and other graphics to display on your website or materials to show support for our Nation's Veterans and help them get the care they deserve.

The new VA suicide prevention hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), recently reported that it's received more than 55,000 calls, averaging 120 per day, with about 22,000 callers saying they were veterans.

(Excerpts taken from retired website: PTSD Combat: Winning the War Within)

 Lesson Learned . . . My two cents

"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it in full."    - Marcel Proust

Thank you for stopping. If you're unable to post a comment here, you can email me at:  onhrway@earthlink.net.

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife Appeared on My Doorstep!

The first copy of Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sits on my desk at my elbow. My husband's eyes look over at me. What I'm feeling is difficult to put into words, something quite poignant. After all the years and all the tears, my MEMOIR not only has a face, but now it has a physical presence. I hold in my hand a piece of my life that was so powerful I had to put it on paper to keep my heart from shattering. As I fan through the pages I watch my words blur under my thumb. I'm afraid if I blink it will disappear.

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the  hearts of men.
      ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It wasn't until I contacted my self-publisher to approve the galley that I learned there was still more WRITING to be done! More delay!

I was now requested to submit the Book Page Submission Form which included the following:

1. Author bio. Must use third person. Limit 50 words.
2. The total number of physical pages.
3. Search Terms. Specific words and phrases related to the subject of my book. Limit 20 words or phrases.
4. Chapters to Excerpt. They found that offering one or two chapters of the book for free to customers helped improve a books sales.
5. Short Description. Would be displayed on the category page. Limit 10 words. (Ten words? They had to be kidding!)
6. Long Description. It needed to be a description of what the book is about. LIMIT 500 WORDS. (This was going to take some time!)

It wouldn't be half-bad, if that was ALL that I was doing right now . . .

However, I'm also in the middle of getting ready to leave for AUSTRALIA on Saturday, December 8th to spend Christmas with my daughter and her family, returning on the 27th. What a dilemma! Everyone knows I HATE to pack, which I posted last year when I went to New Zealand. I still need to find that professional packer!

Talk about PRESSURE! Not to mention Christmas cards and presents.  It's a special time of year when we're should to be filled with peace and joy. Honestly, I am filled with GREAT JOY and thanksgiving, but where can I find peace with so much still to be done? Probably not until I buckle my seatbelt on Virgin Australia. :)

But there is HAPPY NEWS . . .

The writing requirements have been completed and my BOOK went up for SALE late yesterday afternoon at BookLocker, my self-publisher. The AUTHOR PAGE looks amazing! The book should appear soon on the other online sites (Amazon, B&N, Books-a-Million, etc), but I'll be out of pocket when it happens. The author photo was attached today and I leave for Australia on Saturday. Now this is what I call "CUTTING IT CLOSE!" :)

Attached is the link: http://booklocker.com/books/6576.html. The complete first chapter is available for viewing.

I apologize for writing in such haste, but I wanted to reach you before my flight takes off. I'll still be burning the midnight oil, but I'll definitely be happy to check "WRITE BLOG" off of my list. :)

I wish each of you a wonderful holiday season with friends and loved ones according to the tradition you celebrate. 2013 is but weeks away when we hail in another NEW YEAR. If I had only one wish, it would be that all wars end and that all peoples come together to live as one in peace and love . . .

"Safety and happiness can only come from individuals, classes, and nations being honest and fair and kind to each other."    ~ C.S. Lewis

PTSD / Diary of a Vet's Wife / Where's the Book!?!

On July 28, 2012, I learned that my memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had slammed into a brick wall, and for a while, I didn't know if my PERFECT COVER was going to survive.  I was crushed . . . but not broken.

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.     Gilda Radner

My last post on July 16^th was a SNEAK PEEK at the cover of my memoir, Diary of a Vet’s Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  The PERFECT COVER for my story!

A literary high enveloped me as I downloaded my PERFECT COVER to Booklocker, my self-publisher, on July 28th.  My mind wandered as I envisioned unwrapping the brown paper package, which could arrive within two weeks.  After all the tears and all the years, I would finally hold in my hands, the first copy of Diary of a Vet's Wife, otherwise known as the galley.

The next day, I learned my cover had been rejected!!

It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out; it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.   Robert W. Service, poet

BookLocker’s email indicated there was no bleed . . . .  

What did that mean? I had no idea, so I looked it up: "A bleed is when a photo or graphic runs beyond the edge of the finished printed page, with the excess trimmed off before the book is bound.  You prepare for a bleed in the document setup before you begin your layout, and in the file preparation for the commercial printer after the design is finished."

I forwarded BookLocker's email to Australia, but they were already on holiday in Hawaii.  And I was leaving for my family reunion in Ohio - for THREE weeks.  What a predicament!

Hence, the parade of delays began . . . .

Once I returned from Ohio, my team in Australia worked diligently to correct the problem.  After another rejection, they apologized with the fact that they were unable to meet all of the printer's specifications.

I contacted BookLocker and asked if their cover designer could correct the bleed.  My next lesson unfolded . . . "like all written material, there’s an automatic copyright on original covers."  BookLocker’s cover designer would only design a NEW COVER!

But I didn't want a new cover!  Was I about to lose my PERFECT COVER?

A tearful pity party brought my sister to my rescue.  She and her husband have published a local newspaper in Ohio since 1995.  She said SHE COULD FIX IT!!  Thank you, Lord.  However, she and her assistant must start from scratch.  By working with the team in Australia, they could duplicate the original cover design, but I'd have to WAIT IN LINE with the newspapers yet to be published.  

“A setback is a setup for a comeback.”  T.D. Jakes 

Sadly, my technical-know-how could swim laps in a match box.  Without going into detail, I learned that "computer advertising" and "newspaper printing" each have their own unique set of specifications.  Never the two shall mix like oil and water.  Period.  

Self-publishing is a little like putting an octopus to bed.   Anne Lamott

I'll skip the details.  As soon as the three editions went to press, my sister, Karen, and her assistant, Amanda, went to work to re-create my PERFECT COVER.  All of the original photos, blurbs, book review, etc., had been sent from Sydney to Ohio, where everyone concurred to duplicate the original cover.  There were a few snags along the way, but all were determined to make it happen.  My sister is amazing!

I held my breath and waited.  Everything was upside-down and I had no idea how to translate this into a blog.  Anyone ever been there?

On October 29th, the re-creation of my PERFECT COVER was downloaded to BookLocker!  They acknowledged receipt!  The next day, I learned that shortly after my cover was sent, Hurricane Sandy hit Ohio, knocking power out for three days.  I feel guilty being happy when so many have had their lives and futures destroyed.  Please forgive me.

Where am I today?

As a writer, who decided to self-publish after a year of querying with no results, I can breathe again.  If I had known the challenges up-front, would I still have proceeded?  I don't know.  But I do know I'm a much stronger and self-confident person because of this journey.

What next? 

I wait for the galley.  And as soon as it arrives, I'm going to Trader Joes and buy bouquets of yellow roses!  Off  in the distance you might hear the sound of fireworks soaring through the heavens, as I compose a blog with the announcement.  I've spent almost two decades preparing for this moment!

My Personal Request ~

If anyone reading my memoir knew my husband, Lorne, in Viet Nam, I'd like to communicate with you.  Does anyone know who took the picture that's on the cover?  I'd be most grateful. . . .   

Please contact me @ diaryofavetswife@hotmail.com.  

PTSD / Can One Woman and Her Book Make a Difference?

We can do no great things, only small things with great love. 
               ~Mother Teresa

During the 16 years I spent writing my memoir, Diary of a Vet's Wife, one question kept tumbling around in my mind like marbles in a jar - WHAT can I do to help veteran's suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?  I felt a bond with each of them.  I knew their suffering.

Help is such a tiny word when related to such a BIG issue.  Webster's New World Dictionary used 31 lines to describe this little word - boiled down - "to make things easier."  PTSD is very REAL!  I know how  it feels and what it does to a marriage and family, my heart carries the scars.

I am only one WOMAN, who has spent half-her-life in the shadow of PTSD - either living with my husband's disorder, or writing about living with his PTSD.  I never knew at the time that I had developed PTSD by association.  Few know the heartbreak and terror, until they have lived with someone caught in the strangle-hold of this illness.  To be in the trenches with a ticking time bomb for what seemed like an eternity.  

In sharing my story, Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic, I hope to AWAKEN the world to the devastating aftermath of war living among us, and comfort those trapped in the trenches, knowing they are not alone.

But how can my memoir help disarm a veteran's horror buried deep within his MEMORY before it explodes?  How can I help defuse and neutralize it?  How?

I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.            ~Edward Everett Hale

One day, I had an AHA moment . . . and I knew what I must do!

My book is the only means I have of reaching other families, and our world, living with this nightmare.  I have no idea how many lives will be TOUCHED by my story, but I knew I wanted to donate a portion of each book sold to help veteran's caught on this crazy merry-go-round called PTSD.

I fervently began a search on the internet.  I was familiar with Wounded Warriors, who provide services to severely injured veterans during the time between active duty and transition to civilian life.  Large corporations donate heavily to large, well-established groups.
 
My quest was to find a GROUP that deals specifically with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light.  ~Norman B. Rice

One afternoon, I Skyped my sister in Ohio to chat.  It was then she told me she had watched a TV program the night before about veteran's with PTSD being rehabilitated using RESCUED dogs. 

"I wrote the name down, so I wouldn't forget to tell you," she said, holding a piece of paper up to the eye of her webcam. 

Here was the organization I had been looking for.  It was PERFECT - and from my sister! xo

"Pets for Vets" - Helping Our Brave Veterans Heal with a little help from Man's Best Friend

Their goal is to help heal the emotional wounds of military veterans by pairing them with a shelter dog who is specially selected to match his or her personality.  Professional animal trainers rehabilitate the dogs and teach them good manners to fit into the veteran's lifestyle.  Training can also include desensitization to wheel chairs or crutches as well as recognizing panic or anxiety disorder behaviors.

It's a win-win relationship . . .

Needy shelter dogs get a second chance at life while giving our returning soldiers a second chance at health and happiness.  The bonds of friendship formed between man and animal have the power to ease the suffering of our troops when they return from overseas . . .

Pets for Vets is a concrete way to thank U.S. Military Veterans for their service . . .

• Featured on NPR, CBS2 and CNN
• Donations are tax deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law
• Serving Veterans in Southern California, Washington State, Florida and Michigan
• With each veteran-dog match they provide all the necessary equipment for them to start their new life together

Currently, they're only in four states.  My VISION is to help donate enough so that Pets for Vets can gradually expand into every state in the nation, then into every city in that state.  Our veterans come from every corner of our country - I'd like to reach them all.  I can dream, can't I?

Please check Pets for Vets online, if you have any questions.  You may feel drawn to contribute a single donation dedicated to a veteran in your own life.

My tentative book release date is still set for July 4th, 2012, which gives me less than 4 months to get everything in place.  At this moment that seems impossible . . . but I'm not giving up.

Lessons learned . . . My two cents

I expect to pass through life but once.  If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.                                           ~William Penn

Our Soldiers are Returning / Write Your Heart Out

The holidays are upon us and the busy-ness is endless, so today I've done something different . . .

Our soldiers have returned from Iraq this week, just in time for the holidays, and I decided to repost a blog from May . . . which shows what's in my heart and why I write. 

My heart is over-joyed for these families that have been reunited, yet in the dark recesses of my mind, I remember so well and worry.  My prayers are that these men and women are counseled and debriefed before being expected to fit back into society, and are given a solid contact name to call, if needed.  Someone who has been where they have been, someone they can trust with their feelings!  Also, that their families and friends have compassion and patience as these warriors try to adjust back into family life.

This is their GREATEST DESIRE . . . please remember where they've been and what they've been through.

The trick is keeping your heart open.     Natalie Goldberg

May 5, 2011

This blog began as a tool to move me into publishing.  Accountability for my time and actions was my purpose.  Most entries have been lighthearted and chatty, other than the first.  But the time has come when I must share more.  And I'm uncomfortable.  So please bear with me.

Write your heart out.  Never be ashamed of your subject and your passion for your subject.     Joyce Carol Oates

War has gone on since the beginning of man's creation.  And will continue until the end of time.  This necessary evil brings death and pain not only to its victims, but also to the warriors and their loved ones covering our small planet.  It's not the way we'd like it to be . . . it is the way it is.

Brave men and women fight wars in hostile lands where life is valued differently.  Armed with rifles, they're exposed to sights and sounds no human being should ever witness.  And at times, they must engage in unthinkable acts to save their friends, which riddles them with shame and guilt.  Or they survive an ambush and the others don't. 

Can you imagine the horror? 

It's not a movie in the theater you pay to watch . . . it's real life!  And it's happening this moment in remote parts of the world.  How does a warrior return to a normal life with this running through their head?

It's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder . . . a normal reaction to abnormal life threatening stress. 

Those who know me know my story.  They know what I wrote about, and why.  And those who don't know me, other than through this blog, will one day share an experience . . . one that will be hard to forget.

My book?  It's a love story.  And shows how I met the love of my life and we were married.  He was a Vietnam vet.  I didn't know he had post traumatic stress disorder.  I didn't know what post traumatic stress disorder was.  Nor did I know I would develop PTSD from living with my husband's illness. 

The ravages of war tainted our marriage eclipsing it into a nightmare.  And by grace alone, my love gave me the strength and the courage to survive.

I Corinthians 13:4-7  Love suffers long and is kind . . . bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  

Excerpt from my book proposal . . .

Diary of a Vet's Wife shows the innocence of love unblemished with hope and promise, unaware of the imminent demons vowing destruction.  And all too soon her impossible dream is shattered by nightmares her husband doesn't recall and hidden pain he refuses to share.  Her love is unyielding, her journey is long.  She retreats to a life of secrets in order to spare the children and her family from the truth, yet she has no place to turn.

The reader will slip into her world like a fly on the wall as she takes them places most have never been, while bonding with others who know the terrain that only love dare travel.

So there you have it . . .

Lesson learned . . . my two cents

Be open to your readers opinions . . . they're one of the reasons you write.

Show compassion to our brave men and women who have served and suffered for this nation, and our safety. You never know what a person is going through by looking at them.  Would you lay down your life for your country?  Please do me a favor.  When you see someone in uniform, or meet someone who has served in our military, go up to them, shake their hand and say, "Thank you."  It would mean so much to them.  I know from experience . . .

"The Moving Wall" . . . An Experience I Will Never Forget!

On Thursday, September 29th, I had the priviledge of being in Santa Barbara attending my writing class on the same day "The Moving Wall" arrived at Chase Palm Park . . . was this a coincidence?

Members of the Vietnam Veterans of America, Chapter 218 of Santa Barbara, proudly honored the service and sacrifice of the 11 million men and women who served during the Vietnam War by bringing "The Moving Wall" to their fair city.

"When the soldiers came home from Vietnam, there were no parades, no celebrations.  So they built the Vietnam Memorial for themselves."         - General Wm. C. Westmoreland 


"The Moving Wall" is a replica of the original memorial on permanent display in Washington DC, where carved in granite are 58,226 names of brave Americans honored and remembered forever. We honor the courageous service of America's 2.8 million Vietnam Veterans - especially the 58,226 men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in serving their country for the enduring cause of freedom.

I pulled into the parking lot, took a ticket from the meter and found an empty parking space closest to the Memorial, though I still had a distance to walk. I sat in the car lost in thought. Questions filled my head. This was the closest I've come to "it" since the day I buried my husband's ashes in Houston National Cemetery, after which they folded his flag and presented it to me.  Could I do this with grace and dignity like Jacqueline Kennedy, or would I melt into a blubbering puddle?

I followed a sidewalk to the street and headed toward the monument. A photographer toting a heavy camera passed by. Towering palms scattered the patchy green grass. The sight of The Wall off in the distance, the sky and the ocean it's backdrop, enfolded me like a loving grandparent I'd never met. I felt timid, yet I knew I belonged . . .

They walk as if on hallowed ground. They touch the stone. They speak with the dead. They come to mourn and to remember, memory mixing with grief, making an old ritual new, creating in this time another timeless moment.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

In the distance, the long narrow black wall appeared to rise out of the ground where people stood like toy soldiers set in groups of two or three. Flags of many countries rose high against the hazy afternoon sky, furling in unison. A large khaki tent stood guard off to the right. As I drew near, the black panels began to reveal meticulous white lettering. Snapping flags overhead muffled the soft murmurs of family members, some clutching framed  photographs to their chest, as they stood solemnly talking with counselors near The Wall.

It was surreal . . . until it hit me.

The avalanche of names washed over me. Dear God, so many names. Too many names. Each called from the wall. I could hardly breathe. 58,226 names including 8 women. The Vietnam war. They all died in battle. This was all that was left of these warriors who were part of us, never again to feel the sun on their faces, or taste the salty air from an ocean breeze.

A train echoed from afar. A lean-muscled man riding a bicycle pulled up. His fluorescent green jacket and trimmed white beard reflect off the shiny black wall like a mirror. He straddled the bike as his eyes eagerly searched the names. One woman wandered a distance from the wall. Maybe fearful as I was to get too close. Afraid of being swallowed alive by the reality before us.

The Wall elicits a physical response. It has inspired visitors to represent their own grief, loss, rage, and despair. Contributing their private representations to public space they cross a boundary between the private and the public, the nation and the citizen, powerfully claiming the memorial as their own.   - 25th Anniversary Commemorative

The Vietnam war. So many names. So many died in battle. Yet many more returned home wounded to the core still fighting the battle. Their never-ending battle. Day and night the mortars still blaze, the screams, the cries still echo in the din. These returning soldiers who found themselves shunned and abandoned by a great many civilians who were not able to separate the war from the warrior.

As a writer, how can I not say what I feel? How my heart still aches for my husband . . . and all the names on this wall. It aches for all the people who loved and cherished the people who were these names, and feel the pain they still bare. I reached out and touched one name . . . Leon B Smith II in raised white letters. My heart hurt. Then I noticed a sign that read, "Do Not Touch the Wall."

I spent a large part of the afternoon sitting on the grass, a distance from the wall, journaling, taking pictures and thinking. How can these families heal? I wrote a book which allowed me to put my heart on paper. I may have found healing . . . but I can never forget.

Occasionally, I'd wander up to the wall and walk it's length looking at the volumes of names which loving parents carefully chose for their precious newborn as they envisioned the bright future their baby would grow into.

And never dreaming the name they chose would one day stand as part of the history of our country . . .

Lesson Learned . . . or my two cents
The human heart can be shattered in a million pieces . . . yet you still must go on living.

A few Vietnam war facts you may not know::

• The Vietnam War was the longest war in history  1955-1975
• There are still nearly 2000 POW (Prisoners of War) - MIA's (Missing in Action) who have not been accounted for, who never came home from the Vietnam War.
• The U.S. fighting in Vietnam was called a conflict because Congress never voted to officially declare it a war.
• 265,000 women served during the Vietnam war. Over 10,000 were stationed in combat zones alongside their brother soldiers. All were volunteers. The names of those who gave their lives are etched in stone forever, there were 8 of them . . . Carol, Elizabeth, Eleanor, Hedwig, Pamela, Annie, Sharon and Mary.

What is a Synopsis and Why? . . . Part Two . . . And an Award!!

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor."
— Henry David Thoreau                        
                

Me?  An Award?  I'm speechless, which is unusual.  I never knew this award even existed!

I graciously thank Carol Apple, a talented writer from SheWrites for this Liebster Blog Award.  What an honour!  My very first award ever!  I feel like Sally Fields.  "You like me . . . You really like me!!"

Liebster means "beloved" in German where the Liebster Blog Award is supposed to have started.  This award is designed  to bring additional recognition to quality bloggers with less than 200 followers.  Please show Carol some love by visiting her unique and highly resourceful blog at http://www.carolsnotes.net/

The rules associated with this award:

  1.  Thank the giver of the award and link back to them.
  2.  Give the Liebster Award to 5 bloggers and let them know with a comment to their blog.
  3.  Copy and paste the award onto your blog.
  4.  Enjoy the love of some of the most supportative people on the Internet.
  5.  Have fun blogging!

These are my picks for the new winners of the Liebster Blog Award:

  1.  Fi Phillips - Fi's Magical Writing Haven  - The writing, thoughts and ideas of a playwright and hopeful novelist @ http://fionajphillips.blogspot.com/
  2.  Julie Farrar - Traveling through . . . the World, the second half of my Life, and my own Mind @ http://www.traveling-through.com/ 
  3.  Becky Green Aaronson - The Art of an Improbable Life - My Twenty Years with an International Photojournalist @ http://animprobablelife.com/
  4.  Lori Robinson - Africa Inside @ http://africainside.org/
  5.  ThelmaZ - Widowsphere: A Circle of Hope @ http://www.widowsphere.blogspot.com/

Enjoy your Award . . . and may this be "just the beginning . . ."

And readers, please take a glimpse at the unique blogs listed above!

Publishing is a business. Writing may be art, but publishing, when all is said and done, comes down to dollars.    - Nicholas Sparks

I sit here, prepared to write Part Two of my Synopsis blog . . . yet something I read this week, keeps knocking on the inside of my forehead.  I guess this means I'm to mention it now . . .

At this point of My Uncharted Journey into Publishing, I'm straddling the fence . . . vascillating between an agent and traditional publishing . . . and self-publishing!  The more I research and study, the more I'm leaning towards self-publishing.

Yesterday, I came across something that took place in March . . . which REALLY OPENED MY EYES!    

NYT Best Seller Barry Eisler turns down $500,000 advance in favor of Self Publishing

A Newbie's Guide to Publishing has an article titled, "Ebooks and Self-Publishing - A Dialog Between Authors Barry Eisler and Joe Konrath, which is a MUST READ for all straddlers like me.  Then judge for yourself . . .  check it out on Google.

Any stragglers riding the fence like me?

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.  - Sylvia Plath

What is a Synopsis and Why . . . Part Two?

TIME FOR YOUR ENTHUSIASM!!!

Envision one or two things while you rework your synopsis . . .   

• Writing a book jacket blurb for your book
• You must pique the casual browser's curiosity, make him want to buy the book to see what happens.
• Read a few jacket blurbs to get the feel of how it's done.

Let's say you've seen a great movie . . .

• You're describing it to a friend . . .
• You're not saying "Cameron Diaz was chased by this drug addict and the police shot him . . . the end."  Sound enthusiastic?
• No . . . you say something like, "Cameron Diaz was terrified, this pot-head kept calling her by another name like she was someone else.  He was everywhere.  His phone calls were more scary.  Finally she slips a note in her roommates purse to alert the police where she's going next.  The police are waiting undercover.  There's a struggle, he's killed. Only then does she find out it was the same creepy guy from her old job she refused to date.  (not a terrific example but you get the idea) 

This is how your synopsis is going to sound when you're done . . .

• Enthusiastic
• Enticing
• Tantalizing
• Description that makes the reader pick up the manuscript to find out what happens!

How can make your synopsis unique and exciting? 

• Start with main character and his crisis.
• Include snippets of dialogue from the manuscript itself.
• Show the character's emotions and motivation that explain why the character does something . . . keep it brief.
• Only use background information necessary for reader to understand story.
• Build excitement as you near the end, using short sentences and paragraphs.
• Synopsis is a sample of your writing.  A flavor of what reading your work will be like . . . give it your all.    

Remember that one or two sentence story line, or theme that you discovered!

• It should be in your synopsis, or cover letter.  Editors and agents like having this extract as something they can use when presenting your book to the buying board.
• And it's something you can use when someone asks you, "What's your book about?"

Synopsis . . . to be continued

Lesson learned . . . or my two cents

Did you know that in 1992 chewing gum was ban in Singapore?  In fact, littering of any sort warrants a hefty fine . . . like $700 for a gum wrapper . . . if not jail time.  There are 400 undercover agents always watching.  Thus, Singapore is rated as the cleanest country in the world.  Wouldn't that be lovely?  People who live there know the rules, it's the visitors who have problems it seems.  Check it out on Google.  I did because it was hard to believe . . .

Has anyone experienced this beautiful clean city . . . visiting, or better yet, living there?

A Platform . . . Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

SheWrites - Blog Ball #5 


http://megwaiteclayton.com/1stbooks/shewrites/

Welcome - My name is Nancy MacMillan and I joined SheWrites in April to learn more about Marketing.  This is my first blog hop . . . what a fascinating idea!

My blog is my Uncharted Journey into Publishing my First Book, "Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," a completed memoir.  I share tidbits of myself, my thoughts and the steps I'm taking along this path to reach my goal.  Included are my query letter, table of contents from my book proposal, and an exerpt from my book.  

Thank you for stopping by. Please feel free to look around and leave a comment to say hello, so I can be sure to visit your blog this weekend.


Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!  My head is buzzing with everything I need to do . . . but I don't.  Instead I push these thoughts aside as I continue to pursue my dream, my passion . . . on the road to publishing my first book.

I used to be a perfectionist! Ask my children. That’s the way I was raised, it’s swimming through my veins, playmates with my genes . . . I guess that’s why these pangs of guilt.   

The house is picked up . . . though my office looks lived-in like an old pair of slippers with stacks of books and layers of research. I see dust silently gathered in spots I missed with my Swifter . . . my quickie.  My windows don’t sparkle, my floor doesn't shine, but I do vacuum . . . my carpet is white.  My bulletin board is a rainbow of Post-Its like . . . book flight for reunion and load recycling into car.  Speaking of my car . . . my raincoat and a pair of slacks for the cleaners have been passengers for a month, and my oil change is 1000 miles overdue.

Okay, now that I've had this little rant I feel better . . .     

I had to learn how to fit writing into my daily schedule, whereas marketing and research are more of a challenge with a complicated appeal.  But blogging is like chocolate . . . delicious and addictive.  Do I have a problem?  Maybe . . .   

Now can someone tell me how to fit my daily schedule back into my writing?

Platform development is important for authors, and crucial for aspiring and soon-to-be authors.  -Christina Katz

In the past, a writer could dream of being picked up by an agent and/or publisher who would woo them with the promise of fortune and fame.  But not anymore . . . Today, it's the writer's job to root through the rubble and bang on doors . . . after years spent refining their words, followed by countless revisions, finally giving birth to a piece of work that stands on its own.

My problem, like many others, is that this is my first book and I'm unknown!

No one has analyzed the complexities of a writer's life so painstakingly as Virginia Woolf in her many volumes of diaries.     Joyce Carol Oates

I find the most intimidating part of marketing a book to be the endless avenues that I must travel publically to reach my goal.  If rejections don't toughen a person . . . marketing will.  It's time I step out of my hallowed space of creativity into a world of crashing cymbals and blaring horns.  Not really . . . but the contrast can be equally as stressful.   

I've been reading GET KNOWN before the BOOK DEAL by Christina Katz, and her down-to-earth approach has desensitized some of my trepidation.

Random notes:  Your personality is just the raw material you have to work with when it's time to get out in the world.  You need to physically get your buns out there.  You need to get your real face out in the real world and you need to interact with real live people.  Like rocks in a tumbler, we grow smoother by rubbing up against each other.  Don't hide out!  Come out and play.

See why I like her? . . . Make a beginning.  No launch is too humble when we are talking about stretching yourself as a reader, speaker, and performer.  You have to start somewhere.  So why not try speaking or reading even if you're totally untrained. 

Her words sparked confidence as I clearly saw my "humble beginning" had already been achieved.  My writing class in Santa Barbara, and the first time I read my work outloud in front of a class of 46 students.  I was petrified . . . but each time I read it was easier.

She also suggests: "Children's Story Time" . . .   A few years ago, when I was working on my children's writing, I talked to a local librarian about reading at story time, to observe children interacting.  She said, "Come by anytime."  But I got busy and never followed through.  This goes back on my to-do-list!

She also recommends literary events in your local area.  Fill a chair at one literary event each week.  Take notes on how you might adopt the speaker's skills and strengths in your own presentations.  It could be fun!

A few weeks ago, I learned a church nearby holds a 6-week public speaking class.  I'm waiting for the dates and time.  Once I get over this hump, I should be on my way . . .

Lesson Learned . . . My Two Cents

Below is a recipe from a fellow writer, Lori Robinson, who leads Safari's in Africa, when she's not writing.  She takes these nuts with her on safari for snacks in the bush, serves them to friends as appetizers, and basically can't stop eating them herself.  I plan to make a batch this week, once I shop for ingredients.

Safari Nuts . . .
Recipe:  In bowl mix 2 c macadamia nuts (raw) with 1/4 c maple syrup, 1 1/2 t ground chili pepper, 1 t curry powder, 1/2 t cayanne pepper, 1/4 salt.

Spread evenly on parchment paper covered cookie sheet and roast at 300 degrees for about 20 minutes.  Keep turning to brown evenly and keep from burning.  Once cooled, they will be crunchy.

You can visit her unique blog at AfricaInside.org . . .

Please note:  I've decided to post every other week for a while to focus more time on marketing and research.  SheWrites Marketing Group has posted excellent material and ideas I want to impliment.  Will miss our weekly visits.   

Will Self-Publishing Be My Only Option?

I've heard it said, "A publisher will not take your work, if any part of it has been published elsewhere."  This may, or may not be true, but the more I thought about it . . . the more I was compelled.

The writer takes the reader's hand and guides them through the valley of sorrow and joy without ever having to mention those words.                             Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

It's the Fourth of July weekend, commerating the adoption of The Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain.  A holiday filled with flying flags and fireworks, picnics, parades and barbacues, political speeches and ceremonies, celetrating the history, government and traditions of the United States of America.

Yet for millions, this weekend punctures hearts still longing for loved ones who served in our military, or who are stationed in another part of the world.  Our warriors . . . our heros.  Young men and women from all walks of life, who have loved and laughed and cried as we do with plans and dreams of their own.

War touches each of us . . . in one way or another.  Our nation is split over the wars we are in, but it's not the fault of our warriors.  They're only doing what they've been told to do by our government.

 A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone, who at one point wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including their life."  (Author unknown)

I'm only one of these millions, but my goal is to reach other families in crisis, locked behind closed doors.  I want them to know I understand and know what they're going through because I have walked in their shoes.  And it's been a long road . . . where happiness was like chasing a cloud.

The effort of memorable art is to evoke in the reader or spectactor emotions appropriate to that effort.      Joyce Carol Oates

My book . . . Diary of a Vet's Wife, Loving and Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,  begins on July 3rd, and includes the following excerpt . . .  which compelled me to write this blog for today. 

CHAPTER ONE

July 3, 1990 . . . I felt like I was going mad

. . . I was alone.  

     Slipping off my shoes, I padded down the hall to my room, trying to ignore the helpless feeling of doom pursuing me.  Fear was now my constant companion.

     I stopped at the doorway.  Across the room, the agitated red light on my answering machine demanded attention.  My throat tightened.  I knew who called and I knew he was drunk.  I wanted to turn and run, but the pulsating red eye dragged me in like a riptide, across the carpet and around the bed.  I hesitated at the nightstand then reached out and pushed the playback button.

     "Nancy, this is Lorne."  His voice was low, barely audible.  "If you don't . . . if you don't really care if I live or die . . . why in the hell did you call 911 when I tried to commit suicide?  I don't understand."

     My heart stopped, I sank to the bed.

     "Would you please come to my graveside . . . and tell me . . . goodbye?"

     Tears spilled down my cheeks as his pain tore through me.

     "Tell me that you . . . that you . . . tell me something!  I need to talk to you . . . or you need to talk to me," he begged, his voice quivering.  "I will die for you . . . if that's what you want . . . if that's the way I have to get," he paused, "right with you.  I will try tomorrow, July fourth . . . to die on the fourth of July for you.  If you will just come to my graveside and tell me its okay," he pleaded.  "Tell me you love me . . . one . . . last . . . time.  Just do that for me . . . "

     "BEEP."  The machine cut him off.

     Lorne's desperate words exploded around me, ricocheting off the delicate green shamrocks in my wallpaper, crashing against my skull.  He was my husband, the love of my life, but his drinking was killing him like it destroyed our marriage.  He was tettering on the edge and I was powerless to help him.

I buried my face in my hands, tears pooled in my palms as monkey chatter swarmed the corridors of my mind.  I pressed my fingertips into my temples, rotating them in a circular motion, trying to make the chatter go away.  Some days I felt like I was going mad.

My heart has since healed, but the love we shared lives on.  So many are still dealing with these demons of war.  My hand, my hope and my heart reach out to each of you on this 4th of July . . . may you find peace.

The answer to my initial question is now out of my hands . . . but I'm not a quitter, and I will move forward.

Lesson learned . . . my two cents 

To be a good writer . . . you must tell the truth, no matter how painful.  And I now know one thing, telling the truth has a healing power of its own.

Love is the most important word in any language.  The second most important word is . . . forgiveness.

B Is For Book Proposal . . . Part Two

How all this life would vanish, evaporate, if I didn't clutch at it, cling to it, while I still remember some twinge or glory.                   Sylvia Plath

My goal is not to bore you with the mechanics of writing a book proposal.  Rather my blog is meant to show what I've learned as a novice, having possessed an insatiable need to write my story and get it out of my head.  I want to reach others who have stories of their own chewing at their insides.  And give them hope and encouragement to step off the edge and feel the wind in their face.

I'm still unsure how, or who will publish my book, I can only share the steps I've taken and why.  A book proposal is part of this process.  Each of us must find our own way . . . this is my uncharted journey.

You don't write because you want to say something: You write because you've got something to say.                                          F. Scott Fitzgerald

Your book proposal must answer these questions:
          Why this book?
          Why you?

The crucial first paragraphs of your introduction must hook the editor with the single most exciting thing you can write that makes your book new, needed and timely.  You have approximately 20 seconds to get their attention.  How's that for pressure?

Below is a brief description of each phase of my proposal:

Premise - Your topic must stand out and fill a distinct need with national, and possibly international appeal.
Overview - Show how your book satisfies that need by reaching your readers curiosity, heart or mind.  Think of this section as an expanded book-jacket blurb.
Manuscript -  Status of your manuscript and book proposal.  How long until completion, or completed? 
Note:  It's best to have a book proposal completed when you begin to send query letters.  Agents and publishers need this tool, if they're interested.  Delay may quench that appeal.
Charastics of reader -  Know your readers.  Who will buy your book?
Statistics - Are there statistics that show a growing need for your topic?  If so, show them.
Example:  US Military in Afghanistan had lost 761 soldiers in combat, but a higher number in service.  817 had taken their own lives over the same period.  The surge of suicide has risen five years in a row.  Mark Thompson - Time Magazine  April 13, 2010. 
Competition -  List other books on your topic, and show why yours is different and/or unique.
The Author - Emphasize your authority for writing the book.  I was intimitated as a writer with no prior achievements.  In class, I was told to list writing classes, conferences, community functions I've attended, and any other areas that might give me creditability.
Mission Statment - Optional.
Synopsis -  This was more difficult.  In the end, I condensed my entire book to 5 single-spaced pages.  This included chapter highlights, noting each main character, important scenes, and the end.
Sample Chapters - In this area, I chose my first chapter, and one of my "best" chapters.  A chapter filled with action and emotion.

Writing my book proposal was a labor of love.  It was complex and demanding, but it helped me to grow as a writer.  For this I am grateful.

New Zealand . . . I'm so jealous of their accent

My trip to Auckland was amazing, other than some cold rainy days. I arrived almost 2 hours late, which upset Max (7) who alerted others in the airport his Nana was missing.  And I noticed Charlie (4) had picked up some of the accent.  My favorite word was "Da-dee."  I loved it! 

One afternoon, my daughter and I took a ferry to Waiheke Island for lunch at the Mudbrick Vineyard.  Our view overlooked the vineyards to the sea where we watched the rain approach.  We sipped white wine made from grapes grown there, while dining on elegantly prepared dishes.  But I must warn you . . . don't order the scallops because you only get TWO.  And I was hungry.

The days were filled new places, new faces and lovely food.  Too many to mention here.  A few things I found unique:  Children weren't required to wear shoes in school . . . Cars drive on the other side of the street, which is scary going up a mountain . . . Time seems to go more slowly . . . People are extremely polite, cars drive slower, and no one ever honks their horn.  Can you imagine?   

The night before I left, we were invited to a lovely dinner at a neighbors, whose parents and their friends were visiting from Australia.  It was one of the nicest evenings I can remember.  And my son-in-laws roasted beet root with sliced avacado was a hit.

It was a wonderful trip and I'm thrilled I went, even though it was winter.  Thank you, Tiff and Scott for your gracious hospitality.

Lesson Learned . . . my two cents 

Writing a book proposal is much like eating an elephant . . . one bite at a time.

B Is For Book Proposal . . . Part One

It circulated for five years through the halls of fifteen publishers and finally ended up with Vanguard Press, which you can see, is rather deep into the alphabet.     - Patrick Dennis on Auntie Mame

And I thought a query letter was daunting . . .

Let me reiteriate, I never intended to write a book.  But life happened and grabbed my heart so fiercely that I had to put it on paper to keep my sanity.  A query letter was one thing, but I was totally unprepared to learn I was now expected to write a BOOK PROPOSAL . . . I was not happy.

I learned in class to think of a book proposal as a sales tool pinpointing the benefits of publishing my book. 

A writer can send a book proposal directly to a small press publisher, but major publishers do not accept "UNSOLICITED" books.  This writers success depends to a large degree upon the quality of the proposal.  Cork Millner

The book proposal is written in third person, and varies in length from four pages to twenty-five pages . . . plus sample chapters.  The sales package is divided into several sections listed in the Proposal Table of Contents.  These include the BOOK CONCEPT, ABOUT THE MARKET, PUBLISHING DETAILS, ABOUT THE AUTHOR, OUTLINE OF CHAPTERS, and SAMPLE CHAPTERS.

I was overwhelmed riding on the verge of a migraine . . .

If I had not invested so much of my life in this book, I would have thrown up my hands and hid in the closet.  But I'm not a quitter!  I'd been through much harder situations than this, I told myself, so I said a prayer, squared my shoulders and trudged on . . .                       

Without my teacher, and the support of my writing class, I would have been down and out in Round One.

Attached is a copy of my Proposal Table of Contents:                             

                                    The Concept . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

                                         Premise.  

                                         Overview

                                         Manuscript

                                   The Market . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

                                          Characteristics of reader

                                          Statistics

                                          Competition

                                          Genre                                          

                                   The Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

                                   Mission Statement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   7 

                                   Synopsis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   8

                                   Chapter Contents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   15

                                   Sample Chapters

                                         Chapter 1 – I felt like I was going mad . . .  19

                                         Chapter 31 – I knew better than to ask . .   24

                                   Lifeline Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   27

New Zealand . . . where did that come from?

I leave for New Zealand on Wednesday at 11:30 p.m.  I hadn't planned to go to New Zealand, it wasn't on my to-do list, but when my daughter and her family moved to Auckland in September . . . I knew I must go to New Zealand.

We have a close bond, and lived within a 20 mile radius.  I witnessed the birth of her first baby, Max (7) but I missed Charlie's (3) because I had the flu.  I spent time with them at least once a week, by invitation of course.  I had it made!

Then New Zealnd popped into the picture . . .

I can't wait to see them.  It's going into winter there.  We moved our clocks forward, they moved their clocks backwards.  I leave Auckland at 1:05 p.m. on the June 6th, and arrive at LAX at 6:30 a.m. that same day  Strange, I return before I leave.  Wrap your mind around that concept . . . like the galaxies in outer space that go on forever.

I'm very excited, but I HATE TO PACK!  Is there such a person as a professional packer?  I'm not one of those throw-it-all-in-a-duffle-bag kind of females.  Can't help it.  It's the way I'm wired.  But if I don't consider every "what if" sceniro, my mind will not rest.  I'm surely not the only female who puts herself through this torture . . .

Lesson Learned . . . my two cents

There's only one way to ride a horse . . . you have to get on it!